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firewhiskeyficTitle:Banishing Nargles
Author:shaddyr
I am of legal drinking age in my region: YES, DEAR GOD, for DECADES now. Sad.
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP. I don’t remember who all is in it. Figure it out.
Challenge: Fire Whistky fic. Oh Wait., uhm., Harry Potter and the Room. O requirement. O r somethig/
Summary: Pansy is so done with this shit...
Rating/Warnings: Not really., Stuff is imp[lies/ I’m too drunk to write pron.
Word count: 1600~
Author's Notes (if any): What the hell am I doinbg? Sopmeone STOP me~! Uh, too late...
In the beginning there was Hogwarts. And it was good. But it could have been better. Or so was Pansy’s opinion. Not that being there wasn’t entertaining, because it was. Unfortunately, there was that admittedly pesky episode with the Noseless Lord and His Prattiness the Saviour of Gryffindor la de da da, and you would think that people could just let a thing go after a time, but no, apparently one mistake - albeit a huge one - really could crimp your style for your entire final year.
Which led back to Hogwarts being… good. Very good in fact, much better than learning from tutors at home with no ickle younger years to impress and no fellow Slytherins to commiserate with. But. Difficult when when one found oneself being shunned. Shunning made it nigh impossible to be properly adored. So, clearly something had to be done.
“Draco!”
Pansy frowned after a moment and glanced over at her best friend, only to find him glaring across the room. Following his line of sight, she rolled her eyes. Of course. She reached out and flicked his ear.
He flinched back, violently. “Fuck off, Pansy” he snarled, swatting her hand away.
She evaded his hand and grabbed his shoulder, then leaned in close. “You. Need to do something. ABout this,” she said seriously, nodding as she spoke.
He looked at her askance. “You’re drunk.”
She looked up at the ceiling, considering, then nodded. “Yeah. But I’m of age and it’s a party, so that’s irrelevant”, she said primly. “You need to fix this.”
“Fix what? What are you on about?” he demanded, gaze wandering back over to the original object of his attention.
She reached out and poked him on the shoulder, earning another swat.
“Fucking stop that,” he complained.
“No,” she replied. “If you would just go over there and TALK to the prat, you could make things better for all of us.”
He glanced at her long enough to give her a dirty look.
“And by all of us, you mean you,” he translated.
“Well, I am part of all of us” she admitted. “But it’s not just me,” she insisted. “You’re like… the figurehead. YOu know! Like the muggle queen! Where you go, how you act and represent yourself - it represents Slytherin House,” she beamed with the assurance of druken insight.”If you can make things right with Potty, you’ll pave the way for all of us.” She nodded sagely.
She She received no response. Wrinkling up her brow, she glared over at Draco, to find, once again, his attention fully engaged by the speccy Gryffindor prat across the room.
“Oh for…” she trailed off, annoyed beyond measure. Or possible beyond her even smaller than normal ability to cope with being ignored when she was trying to share her brilliant insights with her housemates. Because a few too many firewhiskeys would do that to the best of them, and she would admit that perhaps, her tolerance was a bit lower than average.
“That's it!” she fumed as she clambered unstedily to her feet. “Oi, Potter!” she bellowed out across the room,
“Pansy, what the fuck!” Draco hissed at her, grabbing at her arm and trying to pull her back down onto the couch beside him, but she wriggeled out of his grasp and took a few stumblig steps awwy.
“If you’re not going to do something baout this, then Ia,m,” she declared, stepping over one of her classmates who was sprawled on the floor. Unfortuantely, she miscalculate and felt herself wheeling forward, and all she could do was cringe in anticipation od the pain when she hit the floor face first.
The expected faceplant didn’t happen. Quote unexpectedly, she found jherself firmly in Potter’s clutches, his hands wrapped tightly around her upper arms as he peered owlishly into her face.
“Potter,” she said in suprise.
“Parkison.” he responded, and she watched as a variety of emotions flitted across his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it several times before she let out a sigh of exaperation.
“Salazar! You’re as hopeless as he is,” she muttered, wrenching herslef free of his grasp. “Ok, so, look,” she begin steeling herself up for the anger she was expecting. “I know I was a right bitch and I can’t apologize enough to make it right, but honestly! This is supposed to be our final year, yeah? And it’s fucking miserable! Could you *please* just forgive me for being a completely terrified and having not once out Gryfindor courage in my entire body so that I don’t spend the rest the year as pariah?”
Potter blinked at her. He glanced over at Draco who spread his hands as if in supplication, shaking his head to indicate he had no idea what was going on. He glanced back over at his fiends, but Granger just looked confused and Weasly just looked at Granger. He looked back at her.
“Erm.. what?”
“Oh for fuck sake.” she growled at him, then reached out to grab the front of his shirt, pullring them nose to nose. “I’m sorry for wanting to serve you up to moldy voldy on a silver platter, you ponce!” she said, in the exceedliny careful pronuciation and diction of someone who was trying to sound like they were noty drunk when it was cleware to everony e that they were. “Will fucking forgive me already?”
He tried to pull back out of her grasp, but only succexdded in knocked them both off balance. Pansy careened into Harry and he lost his footing, and the two of them tumbled ot the floor in a sprawl of arms and legs, intimate body part suddleny’ becoming intimately aquainted as she landed staddling his lap./.
“Well,” she huffed out when she managed to catch her breath “Really, Potter! If you wanted to snog, all you had to do was ask!” she wiggled her eyeborws salaciously, then vollapsed into giggles at the look of abjext terror on his face.
“No, absolutely not,” he protested, trying to scramble out from under her. She reached up rest a hand on his chest.
“Well, if that’s what it would take to get you to forgive me-”
Potter’s gugle of protest was drowned out by Draco’s bellow.
“Pansy, get the fuck off him!”
And before she had a change to toss back a pithy comeback, she fgound hersledf hauled up and off the saviour of the wizarding world and face to face with a very irrate Malfoy.
“Why Draco,” she purred before he could say anything else, “I told you that it you weren’t going to do somethig, I was.” She crossed her arms and gave hi a haughty stare.
He leaned in close enough that no one else could hear. “You utter slag,” he hissed. “How could you!”
She leaned right back. “Very easily, if he weren’t complete bent.”
Draco bl;inked, jerked back a ways from her and blinked again. He glanced over at Potter, who had clambered up off the floor and was readjusting his robes, thrown glances their way. He looked back at Pansy.
“What do you mean?” he demanded, eyes still curring over to Potter even while he was confronting her.
“I mean, you clueless wonder, that I was all over his lap! Me, curvacious, beautiful, nubile pureblooded me, and I don’t care how noble Potter is. If he was straight, having my twat rubbing right up again him would have elicited at least some slight reaction. Honestly! Boys your age get a raging hard on in the sliughtest breeze.”
“And? What are you siying”
Pansy smirked at him. “I;’m sayin there’s no way he’s straight and you should sop mooning after him like you have been for the last three year - Oh, don’t you glare at me like that, Draco Malfoy!” she snapped, pooking him in the chest with one finely manicured nail. “He’s bent, you’re bent, thw two of yo are alwasy starin and ewach other and mayeb if you could releive him of some of the enormous pile of unreseolved sexual tension hangig over his head, he would untwist a little and the rest of us could relaz too!”
As they stared at each other, Pansy realized the oom had become exceptionally silent. She glanced around and realized that almost everyone as staring at them, and Potter was gawping at them, his face beet red.
“Uhm,,,: she said, afraid to ask, and pretty sure she know they answ.
“Yes dear, you were shouting that,” Blaize supplied helpfully from where he lounged on the couch. “ I’d be supprised if they didn’t hear you in the great hall.”
Draco let out a small moan and covered his eyes with one hand.
“I think you’re right,” came a sing song voice from behind her and Pansy turned around to Find Luna nodding serenly. “I thik Harry would be every so muc happier id He and Draco finally got together and they both sopped pinning for each other from afar.
Pansy heard a stangled sound come from Harry’s direction, but she was too busy staring at Luna to bother looking.
“Really?”
Luna nodded. “Far more nargles than usual,” she said. “BUt it’s well known that vigorus sex will banish them.”
Pansy looked back at Draco. “You head them woman,” she said as she gave hi a shove toward Harry, who was making a break for the exit. “Go and banish some nargles!”
Draco stumbled a few steps, stopped long eough to glare at her, then made a beline for the ext acter Harry.
“It’s about damn time,” she heard someone exclaim from the group near the fireplace, and a smattering of gigles and applause started up around the room.
So. Maybe this would be the beginning of better, But for now - it was time to cultivate a new friendshop.
“So Luna. Tell me more about banish these Nargles,” she said,
“
Author:
shaddyrI am of legal drinking age in my region: YES, DEAR GOD, for DECADES now. Sad.
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP. I don’t remember who all is in it. Figure it out.
Challenge: Fire Whistky fic. Oh Wait., uhm., Harry Potter and the Room. O requirement. O r somethig/
Summary: Pansy is so done with this shit...
Rating/Warnings: Not really., Stuff is imp[lies/ I’m too drunk to write pron.
Word count: 1600~
Author's Notes (if any): What the hell am I doinbg? Sopmeone STOP me~! Uh, too late...
In the beginning there was Hogwarts. And it was good. But it could have been better. Or so was Pansy’s opinion. Not that being there wasn’t entertaining, because it was. Unfortunately, there was that admittedly pesky episode with the Noseless Lord and His Prattiness the Saviour of Gryffindor la de da da, and you would think that people could just let a thing go after a time, but no, apparently one mistake - albeit a huge one - really could crimp your style for your entire final year.
Which led back to Hogwarts being… good. Very good in fact, much better than learning from tutors at home with no ickle younger years to impress and no fellow Slytherins to commiserate with. But. Difficult when when one found oneself being shunned. Shunning made it nigh impossible to be properly adored. So, clearly something had to be done.
“Draco!”
Pansy frowned after a moment and glanced over at her best friend, only to find him glaring across the room. Following his line of sight, she rolled her eyes. Of course. She reached out and flicked his ear.
He flinched back, violently. “Fuck off, Pansy” he snarled, swatting her hand away.
She evaded his hand and grabbed his shoulder, then leaned in close. “You. Need to do something. ABout this,” she said seriously, nodding as she spoke.
He looked at her askance. “You’re drunk.”
She looked up at the ceiling, considering, then nodded. “Yeah. But I’m of age and it’s a party, so that’s irrelevant”, she said primly. “You need to fix this.”
“Fix what? What are you on about?” he demanded, gaze wandering back over to the original object of his attention.
She reached out and poked him on the shoulder, earning another swat.
“Fucking stop that,” he complained.
“No,” she replied. “If you would just go over there and TALK to the prat, you could make things better for all of us.”
He glanced at her long enough to give her a dirty look.
“And by all of us, you mean you,” he translated.
“Well, I am part of all of us” she admitted. “But it’s not just me,” she insisted. “You’re like… the figurehead. YOu know! Like the muggle queen! Where you go, how you act and represent yourself - it represents Slytherin House,” she beamed with the assurance of druken insight.”If you can make things right with Potty, you’ll pave the way for all of us.” She nodded sagely.
She She received no response. Wrinkling up her brow, she glared over at Draco, to find, once again, his attention fully engaged by the speccy Gryffindor prat across the room.
“Oh for…” she trailed off, annoyed beyond measure. Or possible beyond her even smaller than normal ability to cope with being ignored when she was trying to share her brilliant insights with her housemates. Because a few too many firewhiskeys would do that to the best of them, and she would admit that perhaps, her tolerance was a bit lower than average.
“That's it!” she fumed as she clambered unstedily to her feet. “Oi, Potter!” she bellowed out across the room,
“Pansy, what the fuck!” Draco hissed at her, grabbing at her arm and trying to pull her back down onto the couch beside him, but she wriggeled out of his grasp and took a few stumblig steps awwy.
“If you’re not going to do something baout this, then Ia,m,” she declared, stepping over one of her classmates who was sprawled on the floor. Unfortuantely, she miscalculate and felt herself wheeling forward, and all she could do was cringe in anticipation od the pain when she hit the floor face first.
The expected faceplant didn’t happen. Quote unexpectedly, she found jherself firmly in Potter’s clutches, his hands wrapped tightly around her upper arms as he peered owlishly into her face.
“Potter,” she said in suprise.
“Parkison.” he responded, and she watched as a variety of emotions flitted across his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it several times before she let out a sigh of exaperation.
“Salazar! You’re as hopeless as he is,” she muttered, wrenching herslef free of his grasp. “Ok, so, look,” she begin steeling herself up for the anger she was expecting. “I know I was a right bitch and I can’t apologize enough to make it right, but honestly! This is supposed to be our final year, yeah? And it’s fucking miserable! Could you *please* just forgive me for being a completely terrified and having not once out Gryfindor courage in my entire body so that I don’t spend the rest the year as pariah?”
Potter blinked at her. He glanced over at Draco who spread his hands as if in supplication, shaking his head to indicate he had no idea what was going on. He glanced back over at his fiends, but Granger just looked confused and Weasly just looked at Granger. He looked back at her.
“Erm.. what?”
“Oh for fuck sake.” she growled at him, then reached out to grab the front of his shirt, pullring them nose to nose. “I’m sorry for wanting to serve you up to moldy voldy on a silver platter, you ponce!” she said, in the exceedliny careful pronuciation and diction of someone who was trying to sound like they were noty drunk when it was cleware to everony e that they were. “Will fucking forgive me already?”
He tried to pull back out of her grasp, but only succexdded in knocked them both off balance. Pansy careened into Harry and he lost his footing, and the two of them tumbled ot the floor in a sprawl of arms and legs, intimate body part suddleny’ becoming intimately aquainted as she landed staddling his lap./.
“Well,” she huffed out when she managed to catch her breath “Really, Potter! If you wanted to snog, all you had to do was ask!” she wiggled her eyeborws salaciously, then vollapsed into giggles at the look of abjext terror on his face.
“No, absolutely not,” he protested, trying to scramble out from under her. She reached up rest a hand on his chest.
“Well, if that’s what it would take to get you to forgive me-”
Potter’s gugle of protest was drowned out by Draco’s bellow.
“Pansy, get the fuck off him!”
And before she had a change to toss back a pithy comeback, she fgound hersledf hauled up and off the saviour of the wizarding world and face to face with a very irrate Malfoy.
“Why Draco,” she purred before he could say anything else, “I told you that it you weren’t going to do somethig, I was.” She crossed her arms and gave hi a haughty stare.
He leaned in close enough that no one else could hear. “You utter slag,” he hissed. “How could you!”
She leaned right back. “Very easily, if he weren’t complete bent.”
Draco bl;inked, jerked back a ways from her and blinked again. He glanced over at Potter, who had clambered up off the floor and was readjusting his robes, thrown glances their way. He looked back at Pansy.
“What do you mean?” he demanded, eyes still curring over to Potter even while he was confronting her.
“I mean, you clueless wonder, that I was all over his lap! Me, curvacious, beautiful, nubile pureblooded me, and I don’t care how noble Potter is. If he was straight, having my twat rubbing right up again him would have elicited at least some slight reaction. Honestly! Boys your age get a raging hard on in the sliughtest breeze.”
“And? What are you siying”
Pansy smirked at him. “I;’m sayin there’s no way he’s straight and you should sop mooning after him like you have been for the last three year - Oh, don’t you glare at me like that, Draco Malfoy!” she snapped, pooking him in the chest with one finely manicured nail. “He’s bent, you’re bent, thw two of yo are alwasy starin and ewach other and mayeb if you could releive him of some of the enormous pile of unreseolved sexual tension hangig over his head, he would untwist a little and the rest of us could relaz too!”
As they stared at each other, Pansy realized the oom had become exceptionally silent. She glanced around and realized that almost everyone as staring at them, and Potter was gawping at them, his face beet red.
“Uhm,,,: she said, afraid to ask, and pretty sure she know they answ.
“Yes dear, you were shouting that,” Blaize supplied helpfully from where he lounged on the couch. “ I’d be supprised if they didn’t hear you in the great hall.”
Draco let out a small moan and covered his eyes with one hand.
“I think you’re right,” came a sing song voice from behind her and Pansy turned around to Find Luna nodding serenly. “I thik Harry would be every so muc happier id He and Draco finally got together and they both sopped pinning for each other from afar.
Pansy heard a stangled sound come from Harry’s direction, but she was too busy staring at Luna to bother looking.
“Really?”
Luna nodded. “Far more nargles than usual,” she said. “BUt it’s well known that vigorus sex will banish them.”
Pansy looked back at Draco. “You head them woman,” she said as she gave hi a shove toward Harry, who was making a break for the exit. “Go and banish some nargles!”
Draco stumbled a few steps, stopped long eough to glare at her, then made a beline for the ext acter Harry.
“It’s about damn time,” she heard someone exclaim from the group near the fireplace, and a smattering of gigles and applause started up around the room.
So. Maybe this would be the beginning of better, But for now - it was time to cultivate a new friendshop.
“So Luna. Tell me more about banish these Nargles,” she said,
“
no subject
Date: 2017-07-24 11:30 pm (UTC)Seriously, though, I love Pansy in this. She's so done it's brilliant - and her drunkenly begging Harry for forgiveness immediately before shouting his sexuality to the entire room is... XD Okay, so she's brilliant and a hot mess and it's awesome.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:02 pm (UTC)I am happy you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-24 11:43 pm (UTC)OMG, Pansy. *giggles*
She is so perfect here. Love how imperious and cunning and drunk she is here.
Poor Draco. He and Harry may never live this down. Although really, will they care when they're happily snogging later?
Well done!
Muggle queen Draco, eh? Seems legit. Hee!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:04 pm (UTC)Pansy, man. She's just so... yeah.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-24 11:49 pm (UTC)diction of someone who was trying to sound like they were noty drunk when it was cleware to everony e that they were.
Yes, it was quite cleware!
Nice job!!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:10 pm (UTC)And yes, she was very cleware, wasn't she?
So glad you were amused!
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Date: 2017-07-25 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:22 pm (UTC)Luna just jumped in at the last second, so very much a Luna thing to do. And she was very insistent they were nargles, no wrackspurts, and who am I to argue?
Psst: what does MA mean? I've been trying to figure it out but I don't know...
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-31 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:24 pm (UTC)I am so glad you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:25 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 06:22 am (UTC)Whatever "relaz"ing is I want to do it at least once.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:28 pm (UTC)I'm with you. We all need a relaz weekend. Yup.
Glad you thought it was funny!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 09:17 am (UTC)Shunning made it nigh impossible to be properly adored.
That's the truth there, Pansy! :DDD
Your Pansy's seriously kind of perfect! The insults were just perfectly hilarious and cruel, and I was laughing at everything she said. I hope you write more Pansy sober too (or drunk, why the hell not, just write more of her because you're amazing at it). :D
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:32 pm (UTC)I've only recently gotten into HP fandom and I've discovered that I really enjoy Pansy in fic - especially when she's kind of bitchy and sarcastic. I like it when she really does have a good heart underneath without being anything other than pure Slytherin. She just sort of took over once I'd had a few drinks, and who am I to argue?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-28 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:33 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-28 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 03:59 am (UTC)PANSY IS DA BOMB. "Go banish some Nargles!" ftw! And I love the potential for Pansy/Luna at the end *grin*
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Date: 2017-07-30 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-01 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-04 09:31 pm (UTC)