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firewhiskeyficTitle: Toasted Purple
Author:ride_4ever
I am of legal drinking age in my region: Hells yes, for so many years now.
Fandom: Purple Toast: the Movie
Characters: Callum Keith Rennie (actor), Brent Spiess (movie director), various members of cast and crew
Prompts given: Gilderoy Lockhart, Sex Ed, Honey, Birds of a Feather, Well-Bred, Total Eclipse (of the Heart)
Prompts used: all of them
Summary: an actor, a movie, a TV show, an essentially gratuitous mention of Harry Potter to make use of a given prompt
Rating: if you’re of legal drinking age you’re old enough to read this
Warnings: do I need to warn for a hint of RPS?
Word count: 1,243
Author's Notes: no beta we die like avant garde cinema
Prelude: 1993
The director of “Purple Toast” tells you to light some candles below the mirror and you do. He tells you to stare into the mirror and you do. He tells you to recite some lines from Hamlet and you do. The candles flicker below the mirror as you softly speak some Shakespearean lines.
It’s your first movie -- YOUR FIRST MOVIE! -- and there you are with the starring role right out of the gonna-be-an-actor gate. You walked onto the set as Callum Rennie -- the Keith would be inserted later -- but now you’re Tom Struck, Psychic Detective. It’s the first time of many that you will portray a detective, but possibly the only time that you will portray a psychic one.
A German-accented woman enters the scene and says to you in English “My boss wants to meet with you, Mr. Struck”. She looks elegant, appears well-bred, but mispronounces your name. You’ve been holding a caribou antler -- and perhaps you will recall this as a caribou anecdote years from now -- and you slide the antler across the floor to her and say “Ja, Ja, fraulein. This is for you -- this is from a tall man’s journey into a valley of primordial muck.” You pause and then add “And my name, it’s pronounced to rhyme with ‘truth’. “ She says “What kind of detective are you anyway?” And you respond with “Who said I was a detective?”
The scene shifts. You’re on the Edmonton Transit System. A Spanish-accented woman is sitting across from you and speaking to you. You slouch -- sexy slouching being one of your special powers -- and tip back your cowboy hat which may be seen to foreshadow other cowboy hats and the Stetson you’ll wear in the future. This woman -- the boss of the German-accented woman -- says to you “How long have you been a detective, caballero?” You reply “All my life.” She tells you that she represents a client who is looking for a woman who has gone missing, a woman named Ramona -- and that name will certainly mean something to you again years from now.
You get off the train and walk along the elevated tracks behind it, looking for a meetup with one of your informants, transit-system maintenance guy and part-time porn star Eddie “Sex Ed” Thierry. When you find Eddie and ask him about Ramona, he asks you a question back, says “Do you know that purple diner?” You respond in the affirmative, and Eddie tells you “Ask for Rhonda. She knows Ramona. Birds of a feather, eh?”
You find Rhonda at the diner. She flirts with you, calls you “honey”. When you ask her about Ramona, what she tells you is “Ramona is a hard girl to find these days. Check out the nightclubs and ask around for Nina -- she hangs out with a coke dealer who goes by the name ‘Raincoat’ “.
Calgary has a more diverse nightclub scene than Edmonton, so the film crew relocates for more nightclub filming options. When they settle on which club, you are there asking about “Nina and the guy ‘Raincoat’ “. You find Nina -- she’s not with “Raincoat” -- and while you try to question her about Ramona she’s coming on to you, trying to trade sex for drugs. You tell her you don’t want her that way and you tell her “I’m not the snowman”.
Getting no leads from Nina, you’re back at the scene-setting that represents where you live -- the place of mirrors and candles. The movie’s director tells you to sit on the floor and you do. He tells you to put on your glasses and to smoke a cigarette and you do. You look at the photo that the Spanish-accented woman gave you and you say “Ramona, you are so beautiful. We are connected in some way, you and I, like long-lost lovers, but I can’t tell if you are in front of me or behind me.”
The scene shifts. You’re walking through a field of tall grasses and flowering weeds. There’s a mountain range in the distance. You hear some kind of musical percussion. You find a woman who is drumming and chanting. You sink to your knees in front of that woman. She asks you “What are you doing here?” You tell her “I’m looking for Ramona.” She screams the name Ramona over and over again while spinning around in circles, and then she whispers it. You query “But do you know where she is?” The woman’s final and mysterious words to you are “If you start looking behind your eyes instead of in front of your eyes you’ll see her.”
Then you are in a car. You are driving the car. You are driving over a bridge. The bridge is bright blue. You pick up a hitch-hiker. The hitch-hiker is a Ukrainian girl. There are so many Ukrainians and Ukrainian-Canadians in and around Edmonton. The girl says to you “You are so beautiful. I don’t know why looking at you makes me so sad.”
The movie’s director has you and the Ukrainian girl do some scenes of kissing and of rolling around on a bed together and rolling around on the floor together, but no graphic sex scenes. At some point in that, the girl says “Coldness, it’s the Canadian way.”
You leave the Ukrainian girl and continue your search for Ramona. The next person you question is a guy who pulls a gun on you and orders you to get down on your knees. You do it and then he puts the barrel of the gun into your mouth. You look unworried and you manage a sexy smirk with that gun still in your mouth -- sexy smirking being another one of your special powers -- and that creates some images that will be beloved by gun!porn aficionados for ages to come.
In that movie, you continue to search for Ramona but you never find her.
Coda: 1997
You are cast in a co-starring role in a TV series. You find out that one of your fellow cast members is named Ramona and that the lead character wears a Stetson and tells caribou anecdotes, all of which brings up memories of “Purple Toast”.
The first episode that you do is called “Burning Down the House” and it’s hot like burning alright when the script calls for your character to throw your arms around the lead character and hug him the first time you meet and ohmygod his body feels so good against yours and he’s so pretty but at the same time so masculine and ohmygod here comes trouble. The second episode you do is called “Eclipse” and the script calls for your character to ask the lead character if he finds you attractive and for him to say “Very much so, yes” – and your character and your real self blur together, knowing that both of you may be heading for a total eclipse of the heart with this guy.
Excursus: 1997 and 1998
1997 is both the year that you start co-starring on TV and the year that the first Harry Potter book is published. In 1998 a sequel is published and it adds the character Gilderoy Lockhart. Your TV character and Lockhart have a few things in common: the skill for representing yourself as someone or something you are not, the charm of a con man, the exceptionally-styled blond hair…but the commonalities end there as you are a GOOD person and Lockhart is not.
Author:
ride_4everI am of legal drinking age in my region: Hells yes, for so many years now.
Fandom: Purple Toast: the Movie
Characters: Callum Keith Rennie (actor), Brent Spiess (movie director), various members of cast and crew
Prompts given: Gilderoy Lockhart, Sex Ed, Honey, Birds of a Feather, Well-Bred, Total Eclipse (of the Heart)
Prompts used: all of them
Summary: an actor, a movie, a TV show, an essentially gratuitous mention of Harry Potter to make use of a given prompt
Rating: if you’re of legal drinking age you’re old enough to read this
Warnings: do I need to warn for a hint of RPS?
Word count: 1,243
Author's Notes: no beta we die like avant garde cinema
Prelude: 1993
The director of “Purple Toast” tells you to light some candles below the mirror and you do. He tells you to stare into the mirror and you do. He tells you to recite some lines from Hamlet and you do. The candles flicker below the mirror as you softly speak some Shakespearean lines.
It’s your first movie -- YOUR FIRST MOVIE! -- and there you are with the starring role right out of the gonna-be-an-actor gate. You walked onto the set as Callum Rennie -- the Keith would be inserted later -- but now you’re Tom Struck, Psychic Detective. It’s the first time of many that you will portray a detective, but possibly the only time that you will portray a psychic one.
A German-accented woman enters the scene and says to you in English “My boss wants to meet with you, Mr. Struck”. She looks elegant, appears well-bred, but mispronounces your name. You’ve been holding a caribou antler -- and perhaps you will recall this as a caribou anecdote years from now -- and you slide the antler across the floor to her and say “Ja, Ja, fraulein. This is for you -- this is from a tall man’s journey into a valley of primordial muck.” You pause and then add “And my name, it’s pronounced to rhyme with ‘truth’. “ She says “What kind of detective are you anyway?” And you respond with “Who said I was a detective?”
The scene shifts. You’re on the Edmonton Transit System. A Spanish-accented woman is sitting across from you and speaking to you. You slouch -- sexy slouching being one of your special powers -- and tip back your cowboy hat which may be seen to foreshadow other cowboy hats and the Stetson you’ll wear in the future. This woman -- the boss of the German-accented woman -- says to you “How long have you been a detective, caballero?” You reply “All my life.” She tells you that she represents a client who is looking for a woman who has gone missing, a woman named Ramona -- and that name will certainly mean something to you again years from now.
You get off the train and walk along the elevated tracks behind it, looking for a meetup with one of your informants, transit-system maintenance guy and part-time porn star Eddie “Sex Ed” Thierry. When you find Eddie and ask him about Ramona, he asks you a question back, says “Do you know that purple diner?” You respond in the affirmative, and Eddie tells you “Ask for Rhonda. She knows Ramona. Birds of a feather, eh?”
You find Rhonda at the diner. She flirts with you, calls you “honey”. When you ask her about Ramona, what she tells you is “Ramona is a hard girl to find these days. Check out the nightclubs and ask around for Nina -- she hangs out with a coke dealer who goes by the name ‘Raincoat’ “.
Calgary has a more diverse nightclub scene than Edmonton, so the film crew relocates for more nightclub filming options. When they settle on which club, you are there asking about “Nina and the guy ‘Raincoat’ “. You find Nina -- she’s not with “Raincoat” -- and while you try to question her about Ramona she’s coming on to you, trying to trade sex for drugs. You tell her you don’t want her that way and you tell her “I’m not the snowman”.
Getting no leads from Nina, you’re back at the scene-setting that represents where you live -- the place of mirrors and candles. The movie’s director tells you to sit on the floor and you do. He tells you to put on your glasses and to smoke a cigarette and you do. You look at the photo that the Spanish-accented woman gave you and you say “Ramona, you are so beautiful. We are connected in some way, you and I, like long-lost lovers, but I can’t tell if you are in front of me or behind me.”
The scene shifts. You’re walking through a field of tall grasses and flowering weeds. There’s a mountain range in the distance. You hear some kind of musical percussion. You find a woman who is drumming and chanting. You sink to your knees in front of that woman. She asks you “What are you doing here?” You tell her “I’m looking for Ramona.” She screams the name Ramona over and over again while spinning around in circles, and then she whispers it. You query “But do you know where she is?” The woman’s final and mysterious words to you are “If you start looking behind your eyes instead of in front of your eyes you’ll see her.”
Then you are in a car. You are driving the car. You are driving over a bridge. The bridge is bright blue. You pick up a hitch-hiker. The hitch-hiker is a Ukrainian girl. There are so many Ukrainians and Ukrainian-Canadians in and around Edmonton. The girl says to you “You are so beautiful. I don’t know why looking at you makes me so sad.”
The movie’s director has you and the Ukrainian girl do some scenes of kissing and of rolling around on a bed together and rolling around on the floor together, but no graphic sex scenes. At some point in that, the girl says “Coldness, it’s the Canadian way.”
You leave the Ukrainian girl and continue your search for Ramona. The next person you question is a guy who pulls a gun on you and orders you to get down on your knees. You do it and then he puts the barrel of the gun into your mouth. You look unworried and you manage a sexy smirk with that gun still in your mouth -- sexy smirking being another one of your special powers -- and that creates some images that will be beloved by gun!porn aficionados for ages to come.
In that movie, you continue to search for Ramona but you never find her.
Coda: 1997
You are cast in a co-starring role in a TV series. You find out that one of your fellow cast members is named Ramona and that the lead character wears a Stetson and tells caribou anecdotes, all of which brings up memories of “Purple Toast”.
The first episode that you do is called “Burning Down the House” and it’s hot like burning alright when the script calls for your character to throw your arms around the lead character and hug him the first time you meet and ohmygod his body feels so good against yours and he’s so pretty but at the same time so masculine and ohmygod here comes trouble. The second episode you do is called “Eclipse” and the script calls for your character to ask the lead character if he finds you attractive and for him to say “Very much so, yes” – and your character and your real self blur together, knowing that both of you may be heading for a total eclipse of the heart with this guy.
Excursus: 1997 and 1998
1997 is both the year that you start co-starring on TV and the year that the first Harry Potter book is published. In 1998 a sequel is published and it adds the character Gilderoy Lockhart. Your TV character and Lockhart have a few things in common: the skill for representing yourself as someone or something you are not, the charm of a con man, the exceptionally-styled blond hair…but the commonalities end there as you are a GOOD person and Lockhart is not.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-15 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:10 pm (UTC)(I know we've already got either dS or S&A planned for a Con*Strict-time viewing, but if you want to see some or all of Purple Toast at that or some other con we both attend, that could Be A Thing.)
no subject
Date: 2024-06-09 02:45 am (UTC)w00t! That sounds like A Thing that could be a lot of fun! Especially with vodka. Or tequila. Name your
poisondelight!no subject
Date: 2024-04-15 09:16 pm (UTC)Certainly an unique experience.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:15 pm (UTC)(And as for whether your knowing the movie Purple Toast would lead to this fic making more sense to you, consider THIS: Purple Toast canon is so freaky that this fic could nearly be seen as canon-compliant.)
purple!
Date: 2024-04-17 04:54 am (UTC)::snerk::
Wow. I didn't even know this movie existed and I tried to google it and finally found a 16-year-old LiveJournal post about it and I'm even more confused than ever. Does anyone have an actual copy of this movie? (I suspect I don't want to be sober while watching it, but I kinda want to watch it.)
Re: purple!
Date: 2024-05-28 06:22 pm (UTC)Yes, copies of this movie are very rare indeed --it took me many years and the assistance of a dSC6D fangirl in New Zealand for me to get a copy downloaded to my laptop. Also yes to being in an "altered state" increasing the likelihood of someone watching it from beginning to end.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-18 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-18 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-19 11:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-20 02:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-05-28 06:33 pm (UTC)As for familiarity or non-familiarity with the fandom, consider THIS: the fic is close to being canon-compliant.