![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
torino10154 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
firewhiskeyficTitle:bBoring Mc Boring Face
Author:vengeance_on_ice
I am of legal drinking age in my region: YASSSS BITCHES!!!!!!
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP, DM, OMC
Challenge:From Alisanne: Toquitos, Harry Potter, "What do you mean, I'm not brave in bed?”
Summary: I don’t think this makes any sense. I’m sorry if ti does
Rating/Warnings: Uh, warning for no actual sexcks. I got tired and didnt feel like sriteing a whole bunsh of pages oaf stuff. because when I write it turns into a marathon.
Word count: beats me, this thing doesn’t have a word count veature
Author's Notes (if any): Sorry for not having sex in the fic, but I’m tired and I actually wated to kinda finsih befor e I passed out. I did manahe to mention toquitos, though!
Challenges:
Harry Potter
Mirror of Erised
Room of Requirement
Anniversary
"What do you mean, I'm not brave in bed?”
From Alisanne: Toquitos
"So she says to me, she says, ‘I’m leaving. I can’t take any of this anymore, and I deserve better.’ Take what, I ask you?” says Harry Potter as he waves his beer mug carelessly around to illustrate his point. He doesn't notice as the other patrons of the Leaky Cauldron lean away from him so as not to get splashed with beer. Or spittle.
“And I say to her, 'What do you mean? You said that I was everything you ever wanted. All you could ever ask for. What you’d always been hoping for,’ and she said that she thought so too, until she found out about the reality.” He looks down into his beer mug, staring morosely at the dregs of his ale.
“Well, what did she say?” asks a thin young man sitting on the next barstool.
“Huh?” grunts Harry, “Who’re you?”
“Oh, um, I’m, um, Jemaine. I was sitting here before you came in.”
“You were?”
“Um, yes. I came back from the bathroom and you were here.” Jemaine shifts his coat onto the leg nearest Harry, blocking his view of the notepad on his other leg and the Quick Quotes Quill moving underneath the bar.
“Oh. Okay.” Harry turns back to his empty mug. Looking up to get the attention of the bartender, he Notices the sign above the till: Happy Hour Special - Free Order of Toquitos With Any Pitcher of Margaritas. “What are toquitos? Is that food?” he mubles. Or tires to. He actually says it kind of loudly.
“Pfft. Potter you uncultured heathen,” says a familar posh voice behind him. Herry turns around and looks to see who’s speaking. It’s Malfoy. Actually, it’s Malfoy looking posh, put-together and like he’s not just had every hope for a stable relationship dashed to pieces by his girlfriend leaving him. Oh wait, that’s because that’s Harry.
“Whaddya mean, Malsfoy?” he asks belligerantly. “And why are you here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be out somewhere posh or in your big corner office telling people what to do?”
“I came because your friend Granger called me.” He sweeps a scornful glance at the thin man with the notepad, who flinches and grasps reflexively for his quill. “Move,” Malfoy orders him, sitting down almost before the man can take his things and leave. He grunts, as the corner of the man’s jacket is pulled out from under him, and turns to face Potter.
“Much as I am loath to do anything for you, I do have a passing respect for Granger and also owe her a favor. She decided to collect, “ he said. Leaning forward, he plucked the empty beer glass from Herry’s hands and set it on the bar out of reach.
“HEy!” exclamied harry, “I wasn’t done iwth tthat.”
“It’s empty potter.” Maulfoy rolled his eyes. “And it’s time to go.”
Malfoy grabbed him by the arm and hauled him to his feet. Slinging an arm around his waist and half dragging, half carrying Harry, he began moving them towards the door.
“She said that I was boring,” whined harry into Draco’s ear. “I asked her what I did wrong and she shaid I was borin in bed. That I wasn’t brave enough.”
“I’m sure she’s right, “ Said malfory as he hauled them both ouside into the cold night air. He asn’t really paying attention to what ever bullshit potter was mumling.
“What do yu mean, I’m not brave in bed?” yelled Harry. Suddenly, with the surpruising strenght for the very drynk, he pulled away and turned to face Malfoy. Harry leaned in very close to Malfoy;s face and said, “I. Am. Very. Brave,” poking him in th echest with each word. Malfory wrinkeled his nose. Harry’s breath smelled like a sour brewery. And Cat Shit. “I,” poke “am,” poke “brave,” poke.
“I;m sure you are, potter, but whatever your percieved lack of prowess in the boudoir, my task is to get you home before you embarass yourself in public. Or granger will have my head on a pike. In public.” Ne began to try and usher Harry down the street towards the nearest apparation point.
“Home,” said herry. “You want to take me home?”
“That;s right,” as if to a small, slow child. “I’m going to take you home.”
“Good!” shouted Harry. “I’ll show her. I’ll prove it to you. I’m very brave.”
“I’m sure you are, Potte,r but lets get you home first, shall we.”
“ ‘Shall we’!” Mocked potter. “You’re so posh, Malfoy. It makes me want to dirty your mouth up.”
“In a minute potter,” said Draco absently, as they finally made it to the aparration point. “Now hold on to me,” he indtructed.
“I’ll hold on,” said potter, and grabbed malfoy aound the neck with one arm and slid his other hand down to grab Malfoy’s bits.
“Merlin! Christ on a stick!” said malfory. He stood there for a minute, contemplating something, which allowed harry to burry his face in malfoy’s neck and start to lick his collerbone. Malfoy jumped, then noticed that they were still standing in the apparation point in full view of anyone and everyone in the street. “Granger’s going to kill me,” he said and gripped at potter’s waist while closing his eyes to envision his destination. A moment later and they were gone.
Arriving in Malfoy’s front room, Harry immediately broke away to sway dizily anf clutch at the back of a convenient sofa.
“Where am I?” he asked muzzily.
“My flat,” said malfoy. “You’re place is unplottable and Granger isn’t the sevret keeper. I’m not going to risk spliching myself just to take your drunken arse home.”
“Oh,” said harry, looking around. “Where’s your loo? I have to piss.”
“Oh, perfect,” grunted malfoy as he rolled his eyes. “Down the hall first door on you left. Do try not to piss on th efloor, potter.” Harry made no reply beyond a grunt and walked drunkendly but purpousefully toward the toilet.
“Now I need a drink,” muttered Draco to himself. He went to the sideboard and poured himseldf two fingers of whiskey and tossed it straight back before seating himself on the couch.
When potter didn’t coem back into the front room after Draco heard him leave the bathroom, he began to get worried. Rising, he went to look for potter. Not in the bathroom, not in the study (although the dorr was open), not in the spare room. Oh shit. Draco pushed open the door to his own bedroom and saw potter.
He was passed out on the bed with his hand in Draco’s open nightstand drawer clutching a tube of lube and a dildo. He was also naked, except for the pants and one sock hanging off of one foot. His other hand was beneath him , obviously grabbing his cock.
He actually has a nice bum, was Draco’s first thought. Oh damnit, I’m not sleeping with a druntk man in my bed, was his second.
Draco turned around and went into his spare room, summoning his nightclothes and a phial from the bathroom as he iss do. Changing into his pyjamas, Draco climbed into the bed, cursing potter up one side and down the other, and then cursing hiself for not buying a decentluy comfortable bed for his spare toom. He grabbed the vial and tossed the conents back in one go. Grimmacing at the tast, he laid down and whispered “nox” just before he fell asleep. He didn’t hear the clnik of the glass dropping onto the floor as rhe empty vial labelled dreamless sleep rolled into the corenr of the room.
Author:
vengeance_on_iceI am of legal drinking age in my region: YASSSS BITCHES!!!!!!
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP, DM, OMC
Challenge:From Alisanne: Toquitos, Harry Potter, "What do you mean, I'm not brave in bed?”
Summary: I don’t think this makes any sense. I’m sorry if ti does
Rating/Warnings: Uh, warning for no actual sexcks. I got tired and didnt feel like sriteing a whole bunsh of pages oaf stuff. because when I write it turns into a marathon.
Word count: beats me, this thing doesn’t have a word count veature
Author's Notes (if any): Sorry for not having sex in the fic, but I’m tired and I actually wated to kinda finsih befor e I passed out. I did manahe to mention toquitos, though!
Challenges:
Harry Potter
Mirror of Erised
Room of Requirement
Anniversary
"What do you mean, I'm not brave in bed?”
From Alisanne: Toquitos
"So she says to me, she says, ‘I’m leaving. I can’t take any of this anymore, and I deserve better.’ Take what, I ask you?” says Harry Potter as he waves his beer mug carelessly around to illustrate his point. He doesn't notice as the other patrons of the Leaky Cauldron lean away from him so as not to get splashed with beer. Or spittle.
“And I say to her, 'What do you mean? You said that I was everything you ever wanted. All you could ever ask for. What you’d always been hoping for,’ and she said that she thought so too, until she found out about the reality.” He looks down into his beer mug, staring morosely at the dregs of his ale.
“Well, what did she say?” asks a thin young man sitting on the next barstool.
“Huh?” grunts Harry, “Who’re you?”
“Oh, um, I’m, um, Jemaine. I was sitting here before you came in.”
“You were?”
“Um, yes. I came back from the bathroom and you were here.” Jemaine shifts his coat onto the leg nearest Harry, blocking his view of the notepad on his other leg and the Quick Quotes Quill moving underneath the bar.
“Oh. Okay.” Harry turns back to his empty mug. Looking up to get the attention of the bartender, he Notices the sign above the till: Happy Hour Special - Free Order of Toquitos With Any Pitcher of Margaritas. “What are toquitos? Is that food?” he mubles. Or tires to. He actually says it kind of loudly.
“Pfft. Potter you uncultured heathen,” says a familar posh voice behind him. Herry turns around and looks to see who’s speaking. It’s Malfoy. Actually, it’s Malfoy looking posh, put-together and like he’s not just had every hope for a stable relationship dashed to pieces by his girlfriend leaving him. Oh wait, that’s because that’s Harry.
“Whaddya mean, Malsfoy?” he asks belligerantly. “And why are you here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be out somewhere posh or in your big corner office telling people what to do?”
“I came because your friend Granger called me.” He sweeps a scornful glance at the thin man with the notepad, who flinches and grasps reflexively for his quill. “Move,” Malfoy orders him, sitting down almost before the man can take his things and leave. He grunts, as the corner of the man’s jacket is pulled out from under him, and turns to face Potter.
“Much as I am loath to do anything for you, I do have a passing respect for Granger and also owe her a favor. She decided to collect, “ he said. Leaning forward, he plucked the empty beer glass from Herry’s hands and set it on the bar out of reach.
“HEy!” exclamied harry, “I wasn’t done iwth tthat.”
“It’s empty potter.” Maulfoy rolled his eyes. “And it’s time to go.”
Malfoy grabbed him by the arm and hauled him to his feet. Slinging an arm around his waist and half dragging, half carrying Harry, he began moving them towards the door.
“She said that I was boring,” whined harry into Draco’s ear. “I asked her what I did wrong and she shaid I was borin in bed. That I wasn’t brave enough.”
“I’m sure she’s right, “ Said malfory as he hauled them both ouside into the cold night air. He asn’t really paying attention to what ever bullshit potter was mumling.
“What do yu mean, I’m not brave in bed?” yelled Harry. Suddenly, with the surpruising strenght for the very drynk, he pulled away and turned to face Malfoy. Harry leaned in very close to Malfoy;s face and said, “I. Am. Very. Brave,” poking him in th echest with each word. Malfory wrinkeled his nose. Harry’s breath smelled like a sour brewery. And Cat Shit. “I,” poke “am,” poke “brave,” poke.
“I;m sure you are, potter, but whatever your percieved lack of prowess in the boudoir, my task is to get you home before you embarass yourself in public. Or granger will have my head on a pike. In public.” Ne began to try and usher Harry down the street towards the nearest apparation point.
“Home,” said herry. “You want to take me home?”
“That;s right,” as if to a small, slow child. “I’m going to take you home.”
“Good!” shouted Harry. “I’ll show her. I’ll prove it to you. I’m very brave.”
“I’m sure you are, Potte,r but lets get you home first, shall we.”
“ ‘Shall we’!” Mocked potter. “You’re so posh, Malfoy. It makes me want to dirty your mouth up.”
“In a minute potter,” said Draco absently, as they finally made it to the aparration point. “Now hold on to me,” he indtructed.
“I’ll hold on,” said potter, and grabbed malfoy aound the neck with one arm and slid his other hand down to grab Malfoy’s bits.
“Merlin! Christ on a stick!” said malfory. He stood there for a minute, contemplating something, which allowed harry to burry his face in malfoy’s neck and start to lick his collerbone. Malfoy jumped, then noticed that they were still standing in the apparation point in full view of anyone and everyone in the street. “Granger’s going to kill me,” he said and gripped at potter’s waist while closing his eyes to envision his destination. A moment later and they were gone.
Arriving in Malfoy’s front room, Harry immediately broke away to sway dizily anf clutch at the back of a convenient sofa.
“Where am I?” he asked muzzily.
“My flat,” said malfoy. “You’re place is unplottable and Granger isn’t the sevret keeper. I’m not going to risk spliching myself just to take your drunken arse home.”
“Oh,” said harry, looking around. “Where’s your loo? I have to piss.”
“Oh, perfect,” grunted malfoy as he rolled his eyes. “Down the hall first door on you left. Do try not to piss on th efloor, potter.” Harry made no reply beyond a grunt and walked drunkendly but purpousefully toward the toilet.
“Now I need a drink,” muttered Draco to himself. He went to the sideboard and poured himseldf two fingers of whiskey and tossed it straight back before seating himself on the couch.
When potter didn’t coem back into the front room after Draco heard him leave the bathroom, he began to get worried. Rising, he went to look for potter. Not in the bathroom, not in the study (although the dorr was open), not in the spare room. Oh shit. Draco pushed open the door to his own bedroom and saw potter.
He was passed out on the bed with his hand in Draco’s open nightstand drawer clutching a tube of lube and a dildo. He was also naked, except for the pants and one sock hanging off of one foot. His other hand was beneath him , obviously grabbing his cock.
He actually has a nice bum, was Draco’s first thought. Oh damnit, I’m not sleeping with a druntk man in my bed, was his second.
Draco turned around and went into his spare room, summoning his nightclothes and a phial from the bathroom as he iss do. Changing into his pyjamas, Draco climbed into the bed, cursing potter up one side and down the other, and then cursing hiself for not buying a decentluy comfortable bed for his spare toom. He grabbed the vial and tossed the conents back in one go. Grimmacing at the tast, he laid down and whispered “nox” just before he fell asleep. He didn’t hear the clnik of the glass dropping onto the floor as rhe empty vial labelled dreamless sleep rolled into the corenr of the room.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-24 11:35 pm (UTC)It's perfect!
And poor Draco. *giggles* I love how his name varies. Malfory is my fave I think...
This was hilarious! Great job. And nicely done working in my prompt. ;)
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:00 pm (UTC)Draco is very disappointed to find a sloppy drunk who can't even say his name correctly. At least, that's what I'm going with. It might be more convincing if I hadn't misspelled it elsewhere a massive amount of times.
Thank you! I'm not sure that the Leaky is the place for that sign, but, being drunk, I didn't really consider that when I wrote it. I don't usually use writing as my form of creative expression, so I'm always vaguely surprised at what comes out when I do!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 12:16 am (UTC)Great job with this!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:04 pm (UTC)In my head, Draco's more dismayed at how much of a sloppy drunk Harry is than eager to take advantage of him. I rather think of him as a bit of a fastidious prig in some ways. I should work on writing that in so it's more obvious.
I think the next morning, however, there will be quite a bit of emotional manipulation of Harry, which may possibly be followed by the hawt sexxors.
Harry is a bit of a mess, isn't he?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 02:11 am (UTC)Also, your title is the best. Hahahaha.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:12 pm (UTC)Thank you! Harry is such a hot mess, you're very right. Draco is almost a saint for not immediately abandoning Harry to the skinny reporter and whoever else came along. Almost.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 05:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:19 pm (UTC)Oh, the hissy fit Draco's working up to will definitely be spectacular!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 09:20 pm (UTC)Uhm... so, porn as a bribe. I'm working on that, but it may be a while.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-25 09:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-26 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-28 02:25 pm (UTC)"Whaddya mean, Malsfoy"
"Maulfoy rolled his eyes"
"Malfory wrinkeled his nose"
ROFL Loved it. Also, gentleman Draco FTW.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:26 pm (UTC)Thank you! Gentleman Draco will be getting his back, just not in public where nosy Prophet reporters can see. And after he's made Harry shower.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-28 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:30 pm (UTC)I was using a writing program I don't normally use, and I was trying very hard to ignore every editing instinct I have, so that's what happens, I guess. I think it's a miracle that I managed line breaks, honestly!
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 03:54 am (UTC)That is all.
no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-07-30 09:17 pm (UTC)*snickers madly*
OMG this is just SO DRACO.