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firewhiskeyficTitle:Hella Gay
Author:sabethea
I am of legal drinking age in my region: oh so much
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: James Sirius/Teddy (Harry Potter)
Challenge/Prompts used: Godric’s Hollow, Bewitch(ed), graveyard, Harvest Party, Jack O’Lantern, Nearly Headless Nick
Summary: James needs someone to kiss him at the Harvest Party to get his ex off his back, the author gets caught up in telling the back story of everyone Teddy has ever snogged in the past in boring detail.
Rating/Warnings: T
Word count: 1771
Author's Notes (if any): 1.Gah, I fell asleep before I could make it get porny. I should know I don’t have enough energy to keep going through alcohol and just start out with the porn. Sorry.
2. All prompts were name-checked and bugger all else, I have to admit. But I got the sodding lot in, so I’m quite pleased with that.
“Kiss me,” James says urgently; and Teddy looks at him, confused.
They are both at the Harvest Party in Godric’s Hollow, and this is the first time he has seen James in a week, but the man has just come straight up to him and these are his first words. This is like Teddy’s dreams come true, he wonders whether James is bewitched or something; whether someone spiked the drinks with a potion of some sort. he’s been dreaming of James wanting to kiss him for months. Years, probably, but that would make him look a bit dodgy, because James is only just a few months out of school, and Teddy is in his mid twenties.
Then James speaks again, and the spell is broken.
“Please, Ted. My ex is coming this way and she can’t take a hint. I eventually broke up with her by telling her I was hella gay, but I don’t think she believed me, probably cos I was lying through my teeth, but if you give me a big snog, she might get the message.”
Of course. Of course James didn’t want Teddy to kiss him because he wanted Teddy to kiss him. There was an ulterior motive. For all that James took the piss out of Albus for being put in Slytherin, Teddy had a strong feeling that James could have ended up there himself. His Gryffindor qualities are more obvious, of course – but then Gryffindor qualities always are. That brashness, the type that can lead you to demand that your godbrother “gives you a big snog,” is more in your face than the sneakiness and cunning that means you’re doing it to throw an ex-girlfriend off your tail.
“It would be my pleasure,” says Teddy, with excessive gallantry to cover up the fact that he is speaking nothing but the truth.
And heck, James has given him this chance, not just to kiss him but to do it thoroughly, and by hell Teddy is going to take it. He sweeps James into his arms, one hand on the side of the shorter man’s face as he turns it up to face him, tangling his fingers in the brown curls at the back of his head as he directs their mouths together. Lips on lips, soft at first, then more demanding, tongue requesting entrance that James gives as his arms loop around Teddy as if they were meant to be there, as he presses closer to him – almost too close: Teddy is concerned that it will become obvious quite how much he appreciates this. The kiss continues, James’s warm mouth open to his explorations – and it is James whom Teddy can feel getting hard against his leg as their tongues meet, touch, and move away.
James pulls back with a gasp, his cheeks flushed and his breathing unsteady. He looks up at Teddy and then hastily away and around the room, to where a brisk whisk of a dress shows a very pretty witch turning her back on the entire Harvest Party before Apparating away.
“If that was your ex, I think she got the message,” Teddy says drily, giving James time to compose himself.
And isn’t that a thing, the fact that he needs to give James time to compose himself?
“Um, yeah.” James gives a small laugh. “I think you were fairly convincing there, Teds. Where the fuck did you learn to kiss like that? Wait, no, on second thoughts, I don’t wanna know. No telling me a list of your conquests, thank you very much.”
“Unfair, really, considering you’ve often given me a blow by blow of yours,” Teddy teases lightly.
“Yeah, but -” James stutters to a halt. “Tell me if you want,” he shrugs, trying to sound unphased.
“Not much to tell, really,” Teddy admits.
He’s not going to tell James that he’s been hung up on him for the last – no, it’s not two years, shut up brain. It’s – it’s a couple of months, that’s all. Since he finished school. Yes, since graduation. Probably Harry’s birthday at the end of July, which was… three months ago. It’s just coincidence that he’s not had a steady partner, nor even any one night stands, in the last two years.
“I know about Victoire, of course,” James adds, rolling his eyes. “We all know about Victoire.”
Teddy grins. He and Vic have been teased about that for long enough that it doesn’t bother him any longer. They might have been a little bit too much inclined towards PDA and dramatic scenes, but - “Give us a break, it was our first relationship; and she’s a quarter Veela, into the bargain. It was bound to be a bit of a drama, especially as neither of us had realised we were queer at that point.”
Teddy is, in fact, gay; Victoire had been his one and only girlfriend, and it had taken him a long time to realise that loving her as his best friend did not mean that she made a perfect partner. He’d just thought that everyone just liked kissing and cuddling for the closeness it brought to another person, rather than for any sexual feelings; it had been when they tried to move their relationship further and actually have sex that they both realised that something was very wrong. Unfortunately, what with Vic having a tendency towards being over-emotional and dramatic, and Teddy having separation anxiety issues and feelings of not being good enough, it had been a terrible mess, and the entire family had been brought in to try and sort out their drama and make them realise that they were very good friends – and nothing more, but that was okay.
Meanwhile, Victoire’s accusations that “you fancy Jenna, I can see how attractive she is, how could you not?” had left Teddy bewildered because he saw nothing about Jenna to be attracted to – and had led Vic to the realisation that actually it was she who fancied the other girl, not Teddy. Teddy, on the other hand, had sighed with relief and settled down to being asexual – until a flirtation at work made him realise that actually, Sammel Wallace in the Magical Creatures Support Unit was hot as hell, and maybe it had just been women who had no interest for him. That relationship had lasted a year or so, but since then Teddy had really not done much more than have a couple of short relationships of a couple of months, and kiss a couple of guys in bars, including ending up having a quick hand job in the loos with one of them. That, actually, had been pretty good; and if he hadn’t been so caught up over James – no, wait, he wasn’t, because that was before he’d been interested… I’m losing the plot here.
“My love life is a graveyard,” he admits.
“Full of skeletons?” James asks, sounding – is that jealous?
“Pffffft! Completely dead, is what I meant,” Teddy retorts.
“Well, it’s Halloween, the time where one’s supposed to raise the dead, so you could try and bring it back to life tonight,” James suggests.
“IS one supposed to raise the dead on Halloween?” Teddy asks, frowning and missing the point completely because the author has suddenly gone off on one. “Isn’t it just that the veil of the worlds is thinner so you can see through to the other side and you’re closer to the spirit world than you normally are? Also, this is a Harvest Party and the 1st October, not Halloween, Jamie. Just because we normally have this party on Halloween…”
“But.. but ” James waved an indignant hand around, “look! Jack O-’Lantern’s everywhere!”
Teddy looks around vaguely for the man in question, unsure who he is supposed to be looking for but imagining somehow an elderly Irish ghost, a la Nearly Headless Nick. “Who the heck is Jack O’Lanaghaten? And why is he suddenly ubiquitous?”
James giggles. Genuinely giggles. “Pumpkins, Teds, pumpkins. With lights in. See?” He points to one, and then to another, and then, accidentally, pokes someone whose name I can’t be bothered to think up in the side as he tried to point to a third. “Oops, sorry.”
“Yes, there’re pumpkins.”
“They’re called Jack Ol’aNterns, didn’t you know?” James asks.
“I did not. Are you sure you’re not making this up? And given that you just poked Katie Bell in the side and just said ‘oops sorry’ when I’m supposed not to know you’ve had a kind of crush on her your entire life... how much have you had to drink?”
“Not enough,” James sighs sadly. “Not enough.”
If he had ears, they would be drooping, Teddy thinks randomly. But why is he looking so sad? Teddy thinks back through the conversation and realises that he might have been missing the opportunity for the author to write porn.
“Jamie,” he says softly, “how would I bring my love life back to life? Did you have anyone in mind for me?” He gives a bashful grin, backing off from his hope just in case. “I mean, if you were going to try and set me up with Victoire again, can I remind you that I am in fact ‘hella gay’, so that would not be a good plan?”
James twists his fingers together, but when Teddy reaches out to stop him doing it, he instead twists his fingers through Teddy’s longer, slimmer ones.
“I don’t want to set you up with anyone,” he says. “Well… that might not be true.” He leans forward hesitantly, his eyes on Teddy.
Yeddt, who is so thrilled his name has gone backwards, leans in the slight last distance, but before he presses their lips together, he murmurs, “Are you sure, Jamie?”
“Sure I want to kiss you again, yeah.”
Their lips meet, and James’s arms are around Teddy, which means that Teddy must have one of his hands there too because they were holding hands, so they’ve stopped doing that. James has his arms around Teddy’s neck, and he is kissing sloppily down his neck before moving back to his mouth to offer himself up like an offering (not sure what else you can offer yourself up like). Teddy devours him, taking everything he is given, and James moans into his mouth, pressing so close. Teddy suspects he is the only thing holding James up now. Then they part, and James looks back at teddy, his brown eyes dazed but sparkling.
“Wow. Well, Teds, I gotta tell you something. I’m not gay, but I’m hella, hella bi. Date me?”
What could Teddy say but yes?
Author:
sabetheaI am of legal drinking age in my region: oh so much
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: James Sirius/Teddy (Harry Potter)
Challenge/Prompts used: Godric’s Hollow, Bewitch(ed), graveyard, Harvest Party, Jack O’Lantern, Nearly Headless Nick
Summary: James needs someone to kiss him at the Harvest Party to get his ex off his back, the author gets caught up in telling the back story of everyone Teddy has ever snogged in the past in boring detail.
Rating/Warnings: T
Word count: 1771
Author's Notes (if any): 1.Gah, I fell asleep before I could make it get porny. I should know I don’t have enough energy to keep going through alcohol and just start out with the porn. Sorry.
2. All prompts were name-checked and bugger all else, I have to admit. But I got the sodding lot in, so I’m quite pleased with that.
“Kiss me,” James says urgently; and Teddy looks at him, confused.
They are both at the Harvest Party in Godric’s Hollow, and this is the first time he has seen James in a week, but the man has just come straight up to him and these are his first words. This is like Teddy’s dreams come true, he wonders whether James is bewitched or something; whether someone spiked the drinks with a potion of some sort. he’s been dreaming of James wanting to kiss him for months. Years, probably, but that would make him look a bit dodgy, because James is only just a few months out of school, and Teddy is in his mid twenties.
Then James speaks again, and the spell is broken.
“Please, Ted. My ex is coming this way and she can’t take a hint. I eventually broke up with her by telling her I was hella gay, but I don’t think she believed me, probably cos I was lying through my teeth, but if you give me a big snog, she might get the message.”
Of course. Of course James didn’t want Teddy to kiss him because he wanted Teddy to kiss him. There was an ulterior motive. For all that James took the piss out of Albus for being put in Slytherin, Teddy had a strong feeling that James could have ended up there himself. His Gryffindor qualities are more obvious, of course – but then Gryffindor qualities always are. That brashness, the type that can lead you to demand that your godbrother “gives you a big snog,” is more in your face than the sneakiness and cunning that means you’re doing it to throw an ex-girlfriend off your tail.
“It would be my pleasure,” says Teddy, with excessive gallantry to cover up the fact that he is speaking nothing but the truth.
And heck, James has given him this chance, not just to kiss him but to do it thoroughly, and by hell Teddy is going to take it. He sweeps James into his arms, one hand on the side of the shorter man’s face as he turns it up to face him, tangling his fingers in the brown curls at the back of his head as he directs their mouths together. Lips on lips, soft at first, then more demanding, tongue requesting entrance that James gives as his arms loop around Teddy as if they were meant to be there, as he presses closer to him – almost too close: Teddy is concerned that it will become obvious quite how much he appreciates this. The kiss continues, James’s warm mouth open to his explorations – and it is James whom Teddy can feel getting hard against his leg as their tongues meet, touch, and move away.
James pulls back with a gasp, his cheeks flushed and his breathing unsteady. He looks up at Teddy and then hastily away and around the room, to where a brisk whisk of a dress shows a very pretty witch turning her back on the entire Harvest Party before Apparating away.
“If that was your ex, I think she got the message,” Teddy says drily, giving James time to compose himself.
And isn’t that a thing, the fact that he needs to give James time to compose himself?
“Um, yeah.” James gives a small laugh. “I think you were fairly convincing there, Teds. Where the fuck did you learn to kiss like that? Wait, no, on second thoughts, I don’t wanna know. No telling me a list of your conquests, thank you very much.”
“Unfair, really, considering you’ve often given me a blow by blow of yours,” Teddy teases lightly.
“Yeah, but -” James stutters to a halt. “Tell me if you want,” he shrugs, trying to sound unphased.
“Not much to tell, really,” Teddy admits.
He’s not going to tell James that he’s been hung up on him for the last – no, it’s not two years, shut up brain. It’s – it’s a couple of months, that’s all. Since he finished school. Yes, since graduation. Probably Harry’s birthday at the end of July, which was… three months ago. It’s just coincidence that he’s not had a steady partner, nor even any one night stands, in the last two years.
“I know about Victoire, of course,” James adds, rolling his eyes. “We all know about Victoire.”
Teddy grins. He and Vic have been teased about that for long enough that it doesn’t bother him any longer. They might have been a little bit too much inclined towards PDA and dramatic scenes, but - “Give us a break, it was our first relationship; and she’s a quarter Veela, into the bargain. It was bound to be a bit of a drama, especially as neither of us had realised we were queer at that point.”
Teddy is, in fact, gay; Victoire had been his one and only girlfriend, and it had taken him a long time to realise that loving her as his best friend did not mean that she made a perfect partner. He’d just thought that everyone just liked kissing and cuddling for the closeness it brought to another person, rather than for any sexual feelings; it had been when they tried to move their relationship further and actually have sex that they both realised that something was very wrong. Unfortunately, what with Vic having a tendency towards being over-emotional and dramatic, and Teddy having separation anxiety issues and feelings of not being good enough, it had been a terrible mess, and the entire family had been brought in to try and sort out their drama and make them realise that they were very good friends – and nothing more, but that was okay.
Meanwhile, Victoire’s accusations that “you fancy Jenna, I can see how attractive she is, how could you not?” had left Teddy bewildered because he saw nothing about Jenna to be attracted to – and had led Vic to the realisation that actually it was she who fancied the other girl, not Teddy. Teddy, on the other hand, had sighed with relief and settled down to being asexual – until a flirtation at work made him realise that actually, Sammel Wallace in the Magical Creatures Support Unit was hot as hell, and maybe it had just been women who had no interest for him. That relationship had lasted a year or so, but since then Teddy had really not done much more than have a couple of short relationships of a couple of months, and kiss a couple of guys in bars, including ending up having a quick hand job in the loos with one of them. That, actually, had been pretty good; and if he hadn’t been so caught up over James – no, wait, he wasn’t, because that was before he’d been interested… I’m losing the plot here.
“My love life is a graveyard,” he admits.
“Full of skeletons?” James asks, sounding – is that jealous?
“Pffffft! Completely dead, is what I meant,” Teddy retorts.
“Well, it’s Halloween, the time where one’s supposed to raise the dead, so you could try and bring it back to life tonight,” James suggests.
“IS one supposed to raise the dead on Halloween?” Teddy asks, frowning and missing the point completely because the author has suddenly gone off on one. “Isn’t it just that the veil of the worlds is thinner so you can see through to the other side and you’re closer to the spirit world than you normally are? Also, this is a Harvest Party and the 1st October, not Halloween, Jamie. Just because we normally have this party on Halloween…”
“But.. but ” James waved an indignant hand around, “look! Jack O-’Lantern’s everywhere!”
Teddy looks around vaguely for the man in question, unsure who he is supposed to be looking for but imagining somehow an elderly Irish ghost, a la Nearly Headless Nick. “Who the heck is Jack O’Lanaghaten? And why is he suddenly ubiquitous?”
James giggles. Genuinely giggles. “Pumpkins, Teds, pumpkins. With lights in. See?” He points to one, and then to another, and then, accidentally, pokes someone whose name I can’t be bothered to think up in the side as he tried to point to a third. “Oops, sorry.”
“Yes, there’re pumpkins.”
“They’re called Jack Ol’aNterns, didn’t you know?” James asks.
“I did not. Are you sure you’re not making this up? And given that you just poked Katie Bell in the side and just said ‘oops sorry’ when I’m supposed not to know you’ve had a kind of crush on her your entire life... how much have you had to drink?”
“Not enough,” James sighs sadly. “Not enough.”
If he had ears, they would be drooping, Teddy thinks randomly. But why is he looking so sad? Teddy thinks back through the conversation and realises that he might have been missing the opportunity for the author to write porn.
“Jamie,” he says softly, “how would I bring my love life back to life? Did you have anyone in mind for me?” He gives a bashful grin, backing off from his hope just in case. “I mean, if you were going to try and set me up with Victoire again, can I remind you that I am in fact ‘hella gay’, so that would not be a good plan?”
James twists his fingers together, but when Teddy reaches out to stop him doing it, he instead twists his fingers through Teddy’s longer, slimmer ones.
“I don’t want to set you up with anyone,” he says. “Well… that might not be true.” He leans forward hesitantly, his eyes on Teddy.
Yeddt, who is so thrilled his name has gone backwards, leans in the slight last distance, but before he presses their lips together, he murmurs, “Are you sure, Jamie?”
“Sure I want to kiss you again, yeah.”
Their lips meet, and James’s arms are around Teddy, which means that Teddy must have one of his hands there too because they were holding hands, so they’ve stopped doing that. James has his arms around Teddy’s neck, and he is kissing sloppily down his neck before moving back to his mouth to offer himself up like an offering (not sure what else you can offer yourself up like). Teddy devours him, taking everything he is given, and James moans into his mouth, pressing so close. Teddy suspects he is the only thing holding James up now. Then they part, and James looks back at teddy, his brown eyes dazed but sparkling.
“Wow. Well, Teds, I gotta tell you something. I’m not gay, but I’m hella, hella bi. Date me?”
What could Teddy say but yes?
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Date: 2022-10-04 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-04 08:41 pm (UTC)Lovely ending as well.
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Date: 2022-10-10 09:51 pm (UTC)Hella gay is not a phrase I knew I’d ever thought of using until it fell out of James’s mouth, and then apparently i became obsessed with it. And the end line therefore wrote itself, of course, which was kind of it because I sure as hell wasn’t in a state to do so!
♥
Date: 2022-10-05 05:34 am (UTC)“IS one supposed to raise the dead on Halloween?” Teddy asks, frowning and missing the point completely because the author has suddenly gone off on one.
Hee!
But why is he looking so sad? Teddy thinks back through the conversation and realises that he might have been missing the opportunity for the author to write porn.
Bwahaha!
Delightful!
Re: ♥
Date: 2022-10-10 09:52 pm (UTC)I love FWF, where you can leave those moments in, instead of having to go back and take them out…
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Date: 2022-10-05 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-05 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 09:56 pm (UTC)“This time,” I thought, “this time I’m going to write porn,” because it’s been ages since I wrote anything porny. But no. Too many sidetracks because this is fwf and you can’t predict how it’s going to go…
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Date: 2022-10-05 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 09:56 pm (UTC)Bi representation! Very important, you know :)
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Date: 2022-10-06 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 10:03 pm (UTC)I think you’re right, it worked quite nicely as it was, but I’m still a bit annoyed because I’ve gone from writing porn regularly as work to not having written any for ages, and was hoping to stir my muse (that sounds like innuendo now). But this is FWF, and you never know what will happen!
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Date: 2022-10-07 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-10 10:07 pm (UTC)I can totally see why Yeddt reads as ace, to be fair. I’d say he’s probably on the ace spectrum, demisexual, probably. So yeah, you’re probably right, not the best choice for porn, this one. Well done me for falling asleep, and thank you ending for writing yourself when I wasn’t really very with it so you had to do it yourself…
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 05:09 am (UTC)Great use of prompts!
<3 the "hella, hella bi" conclusion!
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Date: 2022-10-10 10:13 pm (UTC)Plus, I wonder whether it was James or the author who was too drunk to remember that it wasn’t Halloween, but a harvest party until after that bit had been written…?
The “hella hella bi” conclusion wasn’t me, I honestly tell you. I was out of it by then. I think the laptop wrote it after I’d gone to sleep, but the story had set it up completely accidentally but looking like it was meant!