firewhiskeyfic | ENTRY #1 (Reply)

Title: If It’s Not Television Curtis Just Doesn’t Care

Author: ride_4ever

I am of legal drinking age in my region: Yes, and have been for decades.

Pairing(s)/Characters: Curtis/Newbie; Lucky the cat

Fandoms: Twitch City, Harry Potter, due South

Challenge Prompts Used: All of them!

Pansy Parkinson, April Showers, Greenhouse 3, Wolfsbane, Under the Stars, Bird’s Nest

Summary: the title is a good summary.

Rating/Warnings: Teen & Up; No Warnings Apply

Word count: 473

Curtis keeps switching television channels with the remote, desperate for something that will hold his viewing-addiction attention. There! Some Harry Potter movies! A Harry Potter movie marathon! Curtis likes when a book becomes a movie and the movie becomes a franchise. He munches happily on his bowl of Frooty-Os and passes the box to his room-mate Newbie (whose real name is Craig, but that’s another story). There’s a spring-time rain happening in Toronto, and as Newbie takes the box of Frooty-Os he says “April Showers Rain On Rogers Cell Towers. Hey, I’m a poet on the inside like that guy who looks like me on due South“.

They get to where they’re watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and Newbie says “Hey, that Pansy Parkinson….” but then he gets distracted by Lucky the cat jumping up into his lap and kneading his leg, so he never finishes that thought. Instead, he starts thinking about how hungry he is and maybe they should order some Chinese food for delivery because to him Frooty-Os is a snack, not a meal. He’s got a sudden taste for Bird’s Nest Soup – maybe from Asian Legend on Dundas? maybe from Tales of China on Spadina?

While they’re waiting for the Chinese food delivery, they both chug their way through a six-pack of Molson’s. “Hey,” says Newbie to Curtis, “You ever hear the one about why American beer is like sex in a a canoe?” Curtis just stares at Newbie and Newbie says “Because it’s fucking close to water!” Curtis continues just staring at Newbie – if it’s not about TV it just doesn’t register with him.

After the Harry Potter movie marathon they watch a documentary about astronomy and it really makes Newbie want to go outside and look at the sky, but Curtis is an agoraphobe and Newbie knows that he won’t be able to coax Curtis out under the stars, so they just keep watching nature documentaries and the next one is about poisonous plants with a particular focus on wolfsbane. Somehow that gets Newbie thinking about due South again because there’s something there about a wolf, no, a half-wolf.

Then, after all those Harry Potter movies and all those documentaries, Newbie falls asleep on the couch next to Curtis, and dreams of “Greenhouse 3,” but it’s all mixed up with due South and Fraser -- and that Mountie is hot like burning. So dream!Fraser is talking about poisonous plants with Pomona Sprout and Neville Longbottom, and Newbie is getting hard in his sleep because – did we say Fraser is hot like burning?

Newbie wakes up thinking about Fraser and Kowalski, thinking about Kowalski who looks like Newbie and thinking about Fraser with Kowalski. Newbie wakes up with his hand in Curtis’s lap…and Curtis doesn’t care. If it’s not television Curtis just doesn’t care.