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firewhiskeyficTitle: Rebecca Welton, Hufflepuff
Author:oldtoadwoman
I am of legal drinking age in my region: YES
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Ted Lasso (Jaime/Roy??? maybe a little Rebeca/Ted?)
Challenge/Prompts used: maybe all of them?
Summary: Rebecca and the boys debate what Hogswarts House they belong in
Rating/Warnings: dunno, none?
Word count: 1100 I think
Author's Notes (if any): y'all rock for modding this!
If you asked Rebecca Welton which Hogswarts House she belonged in, she would--depending on who you were, because who are you to be asking REbecca Welton such question anyway--either tell you that she was a Gryffindor, *obviously*, or she would simply pretend not to understand the question. "I'm sorry, Hogswhat?" If you were her goddaughter Nora, on the other hand, she would instead explain at length why she was a Ravensclaw complete with citations.. No matter who you were, not even that lovely sport psychologist they'd hired for all the players to confess their innermost secrets to, she would not, under any circumstances, reveal that deep down she really believed she was a Slytherin. There was no scenario in which another alternative occured to her.
"Hufflepuff?!"
Roy Kent only nodded impercetably. "We're all fucking Hufflepuff, ain't we?"
"No escaping it," Jaime Tartt slurred, tilting slightly to lean against Roy's side. "I blame Coach Lasso."
Roy nodded again, patting Jaime's leg in an agreeable sort of way. He did not remove his hand.
Rebecca was momentarily distracted. "Does Keely know about this?"
"Naw, Keeley's a Griffyindor," Roy said without hestiation. Jaimie nodded and took another swig from his pint.
Rebecca pulled out her phone and snapped a picture. Easier than explaining. She hit send and then focused her eyes, with slight effort, on Roy's face. "Does Keeley know," she asked again, waving in the general direction of Jamie TArtt's thigh, "about *this*?"
Roy nodded and Jaime snorted and then leaned in and whispered, not quite quietly enough (but in a pub this loud ,what did it matter), "She' likes to watch, don't she?" and Rebecca might have agruged, but at roughtly the same time ,Keely texted back, "Hot, riht?!" so Rebecca shrugged and returned to the original point.
"But Hufflepuff?"
"Good house, nothing to be ashamed of."
"I am alion," Rebecca insisted--or a raven, she thought to hersefl, "*NOt* a badger."
"Honey badgers don't give a siht!" Jaime shouted, waving his empty glass at Mae. "Empty!!"
Rebecca did not turn to see if Mae acknowledge d this,b ut added loudly, "Another round!" and Mae appeared in short order with a pint for everyone.
Somewhere in the middle of the next round, Tad Lasso turned up with Beard. Beard presumably had a first name. Rebecca was sure it was printed on his checks. One day she'd gett around to asking accounting what it was.
"Howdy, y'all," Ted said, sliding into a chair opposite Rebecca. Beard chose a seat to Jaimie tArtt's side. He glanced at Roy's hand briefly, but made no comment. "What's on everyone's minds this fine evening?" Ted asked.
Ro
"Sorting hat," Jamie said.
"Excuse me?" Ted asked.
"Which Hogwarts House would the Sorting Hat sort you into?" Jamie said.
"Griffyindoor," Ted said without hesitation.
Roy Kent growled.
"Gods fucking dammit," Rebecca spat, "he's right too."
"We're all stuck in Huffle puff *because of oyou*,' Jamie said, "and YOU uget to be in Griffyndoor?"
"Excuse me?" Ted asked innocently as Mae delivered a pint to each of the coaches.
Beard frowned while sipping his pint.
"No," Beard finally said, "Coach Lasso is definitely Griffyindor. I mean, just look at him, he's practicalyy a Weasley."
Roy Kent growled again.
"Would you say you are good at finding lost things?" Rebecca asked, still lsightlky hoppeful.
"Or would you say you have a fixaction with tinkering with electrical plugs?" Jamiea sekd, "because I'm definitely getting ARthur Weasley vibes."
"Fuck," Rebecca said before TEd even anserwered. "It's the Dad Bod thing."
"I feel as thought Ive stepped into this conversation a few calls behind," Ted said. "Care to catch me up a dosey doe?"
"Have you ever thought of settling down to a quiet place in the country in Ottery St Catchpole?" Roy asked.
"Say, 'no,' Ted," Rebecca ordered. She couldn't remember why it mattered, but there was a point of honor somewhere in this.
"What *is* an ottery?" Ted asked. "Ive always wondered that. Is that like, a place where they breed otters?"
"The ficitional Ottery St Catchpool---home to both WEasleys and Lovegoods-- is bsed on the actually Ottery St MMary", Beard interjected. There was no interrupting Beard when a lecture was coming on so noone tried. "So named because it's located on the RIver Otter in DEvon."
"The River Otter?" Ted laughed, smiling broadhly. "That's a real place."
"Not to be confused with the River Ottery which is in COrrnwall."
"Boy, howdy, y'all have fun with yur place names here," Ted said, which was his polite way of saying tehEnglish were fucking weird. Ted had a polite way of saying e verything.
"Griffyn dolr", Roy said with a definitative sigh.
"That makes us all Griffyindor then, yeah?" Jaimie said, hoipefully.
"Right!" Rebecca said thumping the table.
Beard gave her a significant look and then calledd at Mae. "We are goin to need a few more rounds pronto to catch up."
Mae brought a bottle of whiskey. Rebecca may or may not have promised it was on her]; that was a mattttter for future-Rebecca to sort out.
"We'rea ll Griffyndor!" Ted agreed.
"Right!" Rebecca agreed.
"We're fucking Hufflepuff and you know it," Roy Kent said. Fucking Roy Kent.
"Valid points on all sides," Beard said and knocked back another pint.
"Hufflepuff is a noble hosue," TEd agreed.
"Fuck you, " Rebecca said.
"Where's Hufflepuff in the quiddich rankings?" Jamie asked.
This effecitvelyk derailed the entire conversation, which devolved into a debate of qudditch rankings veruss House rankings, and Rebecca completely lost track of the maths.
"So all Hufflepuff needs at this point," Beard explained, "s another 100 points and they've got eh whole shebang."
Rebecca swivled hehr attetion on TEd.
Ted nodded. "Sounds reasonalbe."
"Has anyone told you that as Dad Bods go, you are super hot?" Rebecca asked.
Ted blinked. "Sassy might''ve mentioend i t in passing."
"That remind sme," Rebecca mumbled to herself. She then proceeded to text Sass a *mostly*-coherent message aksing whether the MArlboro Man was off-limits or not.
"What've we got to do?" Jamie demanded. If all they needed was another 100 points, nothing could stop them.
Wehn no one answered, Roy Kent shoouted, "What've we got to do?"
"Bullseye," Mae suggested, slightly distracted by less-boisterous csuustomers who were offering paymetb without additional challenges.
"Bullseye!" Roy Kent shouted.
Beard walked over to the dartboard and very carefully placed a dart in the center.
Someone whom Rebecca didn't give a shit about protested, but Mae brought them a round of drinks (which Rebecca may or may ot have paid for), and declared, "100 points to Hufflepuff!"
"Huzzah!"
at least one of those Huzzahs was in response to Sassy's text responding that Artuhr Weasley was not offlimits and misuse of muggle artifacts was, in fact, encouraged..
THE END
Author:
oldtoadwomanI am of legal drinking age in my region: YES
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Ted Lasso (Jaime/Roy??? maybe a little Rebeca/Ted?)
Challenge/Prompts used: maybe all of them?
Summary: Rebecca and the boys debate what Hogswarts House they belong in
Rating/Warnings: dunno, none?
Word count: 1100 I think
Author's Notes (if any): y'all rock for modding this!
If you asked Rebecca Welton which Hogswarts House she belonged in, she would--depending on who you were, because who are you to be asking REbecca Welton such question anyway--either tell you that she was a Gryffindor, *obviously*, or she would simply pretend not to understand the question. "I'm sorry, Hogswhat?" If you were her goddaughter Nora, on the other hand, she would instead explain at length why she was a Ravensclaw complete with citations.. No matter who you were, not even that lovely sport psychologist they'd hired for all the players to confess their innermost secrets to, she would not, under any circumstances, reveal that deep down she really believed she was a Slytherin. There was no scenario in which another alternative occured to her.
"Hufflepuff?!"
Roy Kent only nodded impercetably. "We're all fucking Hufflepuff, ain't we?"
"No escaping it," Jaime Tartt slurred, tilting slightly to lean against Roy's side. "I blame Coach Lasso."
Roy nodded again, patting Jaime's leg in an agreeable sort of way. He did not remove his hand.
Rebecca was momentarily distracted. "Does Keely know about this?"
"Naw, Keeley's a Griffyindor," Roy said without hestiation. Jaimie nodded and took another swig from his pint.
Rebecca pulled out her phone and snapped a picture. Easier than explaining. She hit send and then focused her eyes, with slight effort, on Roy's face. "Does Keeley know," she asked again, waving in the general direction of Jamie TArtt's thigh, "about *this*?"
Roy nodded and Jaime snorted and then leaned in and whispered, not quite quietly enough (but in a pub this loud ,what did it matter), "She' likes to watch, don't she?" and Rebecca might have agruged, but at roughtly the same time ,Keely texted back, "Hot, riht?!" so Rebecca shrugged and returned to the original point.
"But Hufflepuff?"
"Good house, nothing to be ashamed of."
"I am alion," Rebecca insisted--or a raven, she thought to hersefl, "*NOt* a badger."
"Honey badgers don't give a siht!" Jaime shouted, waving his empty glass at Mae. "Empty!!"
Rebecca did not turn to see if Mae acknowledge d this,b ut added loudly, "Another round!" and Mae appeared in short order with a pint for everyone.
Somewhere in the middle of the next round, Tad Lasso turned up with Beard. Beard presumably had a first name. Rebecca was sure it was printed on his checks. One day she'd gett around to asking accounting what it was.
"Howdy, y'all," Ted said, sliding into a chair opposite Rebecca. Beard chose a seat to Jaimie tArtt's side. He glanced at Roy's hand briefly, but made no comment. "What's on everyone's minds this fine evening?" Ted asked.
Ro
"Sorting hat," Jamie said.
"Excuse me?" Ted asked.
"Which Hogwarts House would the Sorting Hat sort you into?" Jamie said.
"Griffyindoor," Ted said without hesitation.
Roy Kent growled.
"Gods fucking dammit," Rebecca spat, "he's right too."
"We're all stuck in Huffle puff *because of oyou*,' Jamie said, "and YOU uget to be in Griffyndoor?"
"Excuse me?" Ted asked innocently as Mae delivered a pint to each of the coaches.
Beard frowned while sipping his pint.
"No," Beard finally said, "Coach Lasso is definitely Griffyindor. I mean, just look at him, he's practicalyy a Weasley."
Roy Kent growled again.
"Would you say you are good at finding lost things?" Rebecca asked, still lsightlky hoppeful.
"Or would you say you have a fixaction with tinkering with electrical plugs?" Jamiea sekd, "because I'm definitely getting ARthur Weasley vibes."
"Fuck," Rebecca said before TEd even anserwered. "It's the Dad Bod thing."
"I feel as thought Ive stepped into this conversation a few calls behind," Ted said. "Care to catch me up a dosey doe?"
"Have you ever thought of settling down to a quiet place in the country in Ottery St Catchpole?" Roy asked.
"Say, 'no,' Ted," Rebecca ordered. She couldn't remember why it mattered, but there was a point of honor somewhere in this.
"What *is* an ottery?" Ted asked. "Ive always wondered that. Is that like, a place where they breed otters?"
"The ficitional Ottery St Catchpool---home to both WEasleys and Lovegoods-- is bsed on the actually Ottery St MMary", Beard interjected. There was no interrupting Beard when a lecture was coming on so noone tried. "So named because it's located on the RIver Otter in DEvon."
"The River Otter?" Ted laughed, smiling broadhly. "That's a real place."
"Not to be confused with the River Ottery which is in COrrnwall."
"Boy, howdy, y'all have fun with yur place names here," Ted said, which was his polite way of saying tehEnglish were fucking weird. Ted had a polite way of saying e verything.
"Griffyn dolr", Roy said with a definitative sigh.
"That makes us all Griffyindor then, yeah?" Jaimie said, hoipefully.
"Right!" Rebecca said thumping the table.
Beard gave her a significant look and then calledd at Mae. "We are goin to need a few more rounds pronto to catch up."
Mae brought a bottle of whiskey. Rebecca may or may not have promised it was on her]; that was a mattttter for future-Rebecca to sort out.
"We'rea ll Griffyndor!" Ted agreed.
"Right!" Rebecca agreed.
"We're fucking Hufflepuff and you know it," Roy Kent said. Fucking Roy Kent.
"Valid points on all sides," Beard said and knocked back another pint.
"Hufflepuff is a noble hosue," TEd agreed.
"Fuck you, " Rebecca said.
"Where's Hufflepuff in the quiddich rankings?" Jamie asked.
This effecitvelyk derailed the entire conversation, which devolved into a debate of qudditch rankings veruss House rankings, and Rebecca completely lost track of the maths.
"So all Hufflepuff needs at this point," Beard explained, "s another 100 points and they've got eh whole shebang."
Rebecca swivled hehr attetion on TEd.
Ted nodded. "Sounds reasonalbe."
"Has anyone told you that as Dad Bods go, you are super hot?" Rebecca asked.
Ted blinked. "Sassy might''ve mentioend i t in passing."
"That remind sme," Rebecca mumbled to herself. She then proceeded to text Sass a *mostly*-coherent message aksing whether the MArlboro Man was off-limits or not.
"What've we got to do?" Jamie demanded. If all they needed was another 100 points, nothing could stop them.
Wehn no one answered, Roy Kent shoouted, "What've we got to do?"
"Bullseye," Mae suggested, slightly distracted by less-boisterous csuustomers who were offering paymetb without additional challenges.
"Bullseye!" Roy Kent shouted.
Beard walked over to the dartboard and very carefully placed a dart in the center.
Someone whom Rebecca didn't give a shit about protested, but Mae brought them a round of drinks (which Rebecca may or may ot have paid for), and declared, "100 points to Hufflepuff!"
"Huzzah!"
at least one of those Huzzahs was in response to Sassy's text responding that Artuhr Weasley was not offlimits and misuse of muggle artifacts was, in fact, encouraged..
THE END
no subject
Date: 2022-01-25 08:19 pm (UTC)Congrats on getting me very invested in this fic, MA! I love how the characters’ drunkenness reflect your own (presumably). This is hilarious.
ETA: the discourse about Ottery St Catchpole is also on point, especially for this kind of pub discussion this is, and Beard is totally the character to know that kind of shit. Ahhhhhh, I can’t even. I love this so much!
The River Otter
Date: 2022-01-31 07:08 pm (UTC)Thank you! When the prompts were posted, I couldn't remember what "Ottery St Catchpole" was so I googled it and one of the first links was for "Ottery St Mary" and I promptly fell down the Wikipedia rabbit hole. :-)
no subject
Date: 2022-01-25 08:40 pm (UTC)Rebecca Welton, Slytherin
Date: 2022-01-31 07:19 pm (UTC)Of course she's a Slytherin! Look at her!
I recommend Ted Lasso wholeheartedly. It's one of those shows that sounds like a terrible idea (a cornball American football coach best described as "a walking dad joke" out of his depth coaching an English soccer team). And I think they did a bad job with the advertisements, because the clips they chose made it look like it's going to be all cringe humor about what an idiot Ted is. I never would have watched this show if my roommate hadn't insisted.
And yet it's so good. I ended up loving so many of the characters, even a few I was sure I'd hate at first.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-25 08:48 pm (UTC)Ted Lasso
Date: 2022-01-31 07:24 pm (UTC)This show is the best!
I've now seen it multiple times and it gets better every time because you always catch something else. It's incredibly well-written and well-acted.
The summary of the show sounds terrible, like it's just going to be a cringe-humor sitcom, but there's so much nuance to every character. And things you think are just offhand jokes end up setting up later episodes. And it's full of genuinely sweet moments (lots of banter and back-and-forth).
no subject
Date: 2022-01-25 09:58 pm (UTC)Love the babble about hufflepuff and how adamant she is that she isn't a Puff. This is such a cute fic!
Ted Lasso
Date: 2022-01-31 07:25 pm (UTC)I strongly recommend Ted Lasso. It's so funny and sweet.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-25 11:00 pm (UTC)Ted Lasso
Date: 2022-01-31 07:26 pm (UTC)Ted Lasso is the best! I'm using this as my opportunity to try and lure everyone into the fandom.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-26 01:12 am (UTC)Rebecca Welton, Hufflepuff
Date: 2022-01-31 07:27 pm (UTC)The title just popped into my head out of nowhere and I ran with it. I've re-watched Ted Lasso so many times now and it never gets old.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-26 04:37 am (UTC)Keeley/Roy/Jamie
Date: 2022-01-31 07:29 pm (UTC)Keeley/Roy/Jamie is totally my OT3 at the moment.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-26 05:42 pm (UTC)me either
Date: 2022-01-31 07:35 pm (UTC)I'm just going with the justification that they were drunk, Roy is stubborn, and no one was good at switching gears once Roy decided they were all Hufflepuffs. (The Sorting Hat has spoken!)
(I'm sure there was more of a rationalization in the middle that drunk-me had, but sober-me does not remember what it was.)
General thought process: Ted is obviously a Hufflepuff >>> everyone else was Slytherin material before meeting Ted but his niceness rubbed off on them so now they are Hufflepuffs too >>> but wait, Ted is an American version of Arthur Weasley which means he's actually Gryffindor >>> several more rounds of alcohol >>> 100 points to Hufflepuff!
no subject
Date: 2022-01-27 02:11 pm (UTC)Watch this show!
Date: 2022-01-31 07:36 pm (UTC)Seriously, Ted Lasso is the best. It sounds like a terrible idea for a show and yet it is, somehow, brilliant.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-27 07:14 pm (UTC)The River Otter (not to be confused with the River Ottery)
Date: 2022-01-31 07:38 pm (UTC)I highly recommend Ted Lasso. It's both funny and sweet. (And has a lot more character detail than you expect at first. I've picked up so much on every re-watch.)
I couldn't remember what "Ottery St Catchpole" was when the prompts were posted so I was googling it and fell down the Wikipedia rabbit hole and immediately knew that Coach Beard would know all this stuff and be able to lecture them.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-27 07:47 pm (UTC)drunk fic
Date: 2022-01-31 07:42 pm (UTC)Yay! I love Ted Lasso so much. But it's almost too good so I don't have a lot of fic ideas for it. (Most of my fic ideas come from "I wish they would do this instead" but with Ted Lasso pretty much my only unfulfilled desire is that Roy and Jamie need to hug more.)
no subject
Date: 2022-01-28 01:36 am (UTC)Dying XD
"Or would you say you have a fixaction with tinkering with electrical plugs?" Jamiea sekd, "because I'm definitely getting ARthur Weasley vibes."
yesssss
"Fuck," Rebecca said before TEd even anserwered. "It's the Dad Bod thing."
Loving all the dad-bod-ness in this!
She couldn't remember why it mattered, but there was a point of honor somewhere in this.
I love this woman.
Rebecca may or may not have promised it was on her]; that was a mattttter for future-Rebecca to sort out.
Definitely crushing on Rebecca :D
This more than anything else has convinced me that I must finally watch Ted Lasso! So so so very hilarious!
Ted Lasso
Date: 2022-01-31 07:44 pm (UTC)You must watch Ted Lasso! It is seriously brilliant.
It's hard to sell people on the show, because the premise sounds so dumb. Everyone assumes it's going to be embarrassing cringe-humor or just a one-joke show. I wouldn't have watched it myself if my roommate hadn't insisted. I'm so glad she introduced me to it. I love them all now.
You will crush on Rebecca even more after watching the whole thing.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-28 04:35 pm (UTC)I LOVE Roy.
And Keeley with, "Hot, right?" LOLOL
Ted's quick answers and cheerful questions...so perfect.
And Sassy's willingness to share the Marlboro Man. LOL
Roy Kent! Roy Kent! He's here, he's there, he's every-fucking-where! Roy Kent!
Date: 2022-01-31 07:45 pm (UTC)Roy might be my favorite of all of them.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-30 01:05 am (UTC)One of my fave parts: "What *is* an ottery?" Ted asked. "Ive always wondered that. Is that like, a place where they breed otters?"
What is an ottery?
Date: 2022-01-31 07:47 pm (UTC)And I still don't know! Drunk-me didn't get very far in Wikipedia before I gave up and decided I had more than enough to go on.