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firewhiskeyficTitle: ladie's night
Author:sportivetricks
I am of legal drinking age in my region: Y
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Neville Longbottom + Lavender Brown, Pansy Parkinson, Somebody Greengrass, Hestia jones
Challenge/Prompts used: all i think?
Summary: neville just wanted a night alone with his plant ok
Rating/Warnings: teen?
Word count: 1.2K? says wordcounter idk i don't have word
Author's Notes (if any): NEVILLE THO
It was just Neville and his Devil's Snare. Heaven.
Well, not really heaven. Heaven would not have peeling wallpaper and screaming portraits, but yay Grimmaulds PLace if it meant he would have an evening alone with his precious plant. and the one bed left in the place. It was a conveniently big bed. He did like to spread out. Not with his plant. The plant was on the dresser. It was not a bed kind of plant. Well, not exactly. Maybe some people would...
ANYWAY it had been a very long week at the greenhouse. His back hurt. one of Gran's friends had made him move the really big plant like... 3 times. insisting it was too delicate for hovering charms. he kept having to bend over and stuff.
Wait.
Nah. She wasn't looking at his arse. I mean, she was like 93 or something. and there wasn't much to look at right?
Anyway, it was over now. The week. The week with all the work. Neville was happy and stuff. One night of housesitting, and then he would be on vacation next week, and....
The floo lit green. Wat. He wasn't expecting company.
Lavender Brown tumbled out hiccuping. "Um," she said, "this doesn't look like ladie'snight." she loooked at Neville and stumbled into his arms. "Oh. Hai."
"Lavender?' Neville said, trying to avoid squishing up against her ample breasts. they were spilliing out of her leather top. "You're.... still alive?"
"Yeah but" she put her finger over her lips. "Don't tell Parvati, I owe her like 10 sickles. Oh neville, You remember when you made me that bathroom? In the room thingy?"
"Um."
"With all the cute little soaps. they were" - she giggled. "they were lavender! oh neville, you thought of everything, everything, and i never DID tell you how grateful I was, did I?"
"Well, it was no big deal, I kind of figured.... Lavender, are you drunk?"
Lavender gasped. "no! what? No. maybe a bit tipsy. Got started a little early. but I really meant to be in the pub at..." She looked around. "this is not a pub."
"Er, no, it's not."
"Where am I?"
Before Neville could answer, the floo lit green again and Pansy Parkinson stepped out. wearing fishnet stockings. yes, it was Pansy parkinsonn, but Neville stared. Because fishnet stockings. Leather skirt. Was leather a thing now? not that Neville was complainig but.
"wat the fuck is this?" said pansy. "this isn't ladie'snight at the [clever pub name]."
Lavender sagged against Neville.
"No, I..." he maneuvered Lavender to an armchair near the dresser. She plopped into it with a sigh. "I think there's been a mixup of some sort."
Pansy was in his face in seconds. "A MIXUP? What the fuck, Longbottom, I had very good prosects for tonight, I'll have you know, and I do NOT need..." She looked him up and down. "what happened to you?"
Neville looked down. "What do you mean?"
She huffed. "This is unacceptable. Please tell me you at least have drinks."
"Drinks!" Lavender said.
"Um..I dunno, this really isn't my house, and I don't really... drink." Neville said.
"NEville LonGBOTtoM, I don't know wehre I am, and I don't WHY you look like..." she gestured wildly.... "THAT, but if I don't have a martini in my hand in like three seconds, I swear to Salazar--"
the floo lit green againn. Neville turned around, desperately hopign it was Harry. Or someone with an explanation as to why he had a drunk Lavender and a bizareely hot but angry Pansy parkinson in a room in Grimmald splace with one bed...
It was not harry. It waas... he didn't know her name. Something Greengrass. Not the older one. The cuter one.
"YOU!" Pansy screamed, launching herself at the new arrival.
Neville made it between them just in time before hte claws came out. "YOUT BITCH" Pansy screamed
"Oh get over it, parkinson," greengrass said, "i didn't come here to meet that loser, you can have him... wait." she looked around. "Where am I?"
Neville looked between the three girls. "Um. There has definitely been a mixup. Thhis is not a pub."
"Ha!" Pansy shouted at Greengrass.
"what do you mean ha?" the grengrass girl asked, perplexed. She was not wearing leather, thank goodness. She was wearing..... oh merlin, it was much worse. it was...... it was a little pinnk dress, all covered in red cherries. Tiny straps. Neville gawked.
Pansy backed awayk, nostrils flaring. "this is all your doing, isn't it?."
"What? are you crazy? where am I?" she finally looked at Neville. "Oh. Hi there. You don't happen to have any drinks around here, do you?"
"Drinks!" Laender exclaimed.
"No, i..." Neville pushed away a tendril headed for Lavnder's skirt. "Look. This is a house. I'm not a bartender. I don't know how you all ended up here, but--"
the floo lit green again. with a great sisne of tripidation, neville watched the embers swirl, really hoping it was not parvati patil, as he did not have however many sickles on him. or a single Knut TBH.
He had no idea who the woman was who stepped out, but he was.... ok, yeah he was starting to get a little hard.
She was much more composed than the others. Older. jeans, tshirt that said FUCK YOU I WOn'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
"Can I help you?" Neville siad in a semi trance state.
"Where am I?" the woman asked. woman. yes, woman, not girl. Long black hair, olive skin, big big redl lips
"um."
"Who are you?" she asked, looking neville up and down.
"um."
"hello??" she asked again, waving her hand
"hi." hesaid, sticking an arm out between Greengrass and Parkinson, who were stil tring to get at eah other. "neville. Neville Longbootm. can I help you?"
"Well,... not exactly where i expected to end up, but..." she glanced over him up and down.''Hestia. Hestia Jones."
"hestia..." neville said, shaking her hand. "listen. are you? can you?"
"Help?" she asked with a smirk, sloooking around the room. "looks like you need it. what's going on here? I was going for a drink."
"Yeah. Yo're in short luck there, I'm afraid, asI've kinda got my hands full."
A smirk. "Yeah. I see. That plant....'
"Fuk" Neville slid the devil's snare away from Lavender who was now passed clear out and moaning as a tendril went for her nipple which had slipped out of her leather top thingy, nevville tried not look.
a shot of magic flooded the room, and the bickeirng slyterins crumpeld to the ground.
"what did you?...."
"longbotm eh?" hestia said. ignoring his question. she turned and waved her wand the floo. it sparkeld red. "i've heard abtou you.. that's a... really big bed. the only one left, i'm guessing?"
"well..."
"you know," she said, sautering gorward, nipples hard under her t-shirt.... "i'm not much of a drinker, tbh"
Author:
sportivetricksI am of legal drinking age in my region: Y
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Neville Longbottom + Lavender Brown, Pansy Parkinson, Somebody Greengrass, Hestia jones
Challenge/Prompts used: all i think?
Summary: neville just wanted a night alone with his plant ok
Rating/Warnings: teen?
Word count: 1.2K? says wordcounter idk i don't have word
Author's Notes (if any): NEVILLE THO
It was just Neville and his Devil's Snare. Heaven.
Well, not really heaven. Heaven would not have peeling wallpaper and screaming portraits, but yay Grimmaulds PLace if it meant he would have an evening alone with his precious plant. and the one bed left in the place. It was a conveniently big bed. He did like to spread out. Not with his plant. The plant was on the dresser. It was not a bed kind of plant. Well, not exactly. Maybe some people would...
ANYWAY it had been a very long week at the greenhouse. His back hurt. one of Gran's friends had made him move the really big plant like... 3 times. insisting it was too delicate for hovering charms. he kept having to bend over and stuff.
Wait.
Nah. She wasn't looking at his arse. I mean, she was like 93 or something. and there wasn't much to look at right?
Anyway, it was over now. The week. The week with all the work. Neville was happy and stuff. One night of housesitting, and then he would be on vacation next week, and....
The floo lit green. Wat. He wasn't expecting company.
Lavender Brown tumbled out hiccuping. "Um," she said, "this doesn't look like ladie'snight." she loooked at Neville and stumbled into his arms. "Oh. Hai."
"Lavender?' Neville said, trying to avoid squishing up against her ample breasts. they were spilliing out of her leather top. "You're.... still alive?"
"Yeah but" she put her finger over her lips. "Don't tell Parvati, I owe her like 10 sickles. Oh neville, You remember when you made me that bathroom? In the room thingy?"
"Um."
"With all the cute little soaps. they were" - she giggled. "they were lavender! oh neville, you thought of everything, everything, and i never DID tell you how grateful I was, did I?"
"Well, it was no big deal, I kind of figured.... Lavender, are you drunk?"
Lavender gasped. "no! what? No. maybe a bit tipsy. Got started a little early. but I really meant to be in the pub at..." She looked around. "this is not a pub."
"Er, no, it's not."
"Where am I?"
Before Neville could answer, the floo lit green again and Pansy Parkinson stepped out. wearing fishnet stockings. yes, it was Pansy parkinsonn, but Neville stared. Because fishnet stockings. Leather skirt. Was leather a thing now? not that Neville was complainig but.
"wat the fuck is this?" said pansy. "this isn't ladie'snight at the [clever pub name]."
Lavender sagged against Neville.
"No, I..." he maneuvered Lavender to an armchair near the dresser. She plopped into it with a sigh. "I think there's been a mixup of some sort."
Pansy was in his face in seconds. "A MIXUP? What the fuck, Longbottom, I had very good prosects for tonight, I'll have you know, and I do NOT need..." She looked him up and down. "what happened to you?"
Neville looked down. "What do you mean?"
She huffed. "This is unacceptable. Please tell me you at least have drinks."
"Drinks!" Lavender said.
"Um..I dunno, this really isn't my house, and I don't really... drink." Neville said.
"NEville LonGBOTtoM, I don't know wehre I am, and I don't WHY you look like..." she gestured wildly.... "THAT, but if I don't have a martini in my hand in like three seconds, I swear to Salazar--"
the floo lit green againn. Neville turned around, desperately hopign it was Harry. Or someone with an explanation as to why he had a drunk Lavender and a bizareely hot but angry Pansy parkinson in a room in Grimmald splace with one bed...
It was not harry. It waas... he didn't know her name. Something Greengrass. Not the older one. The cuter one.
"YOU!" Pansy screamed, launching herself at the new arrival.
Neville made it between them just in time before hte claws came out. "YOUT BITCH" Pansy screamed
"Oh get over it, parkinson," greengrass said, "i didn't come here to meet that loser, you can have him... wait." she looked around. "Where am I?"
Neville looked between the three girls. "Um. There has definitely been a mixup. Thhis is not a pub."
"Ha!" Pansy shouted at Greengrass.
"what do you mean ha?" the grengrass girl asked, perplexed. She was not wearing leather, thank goodness. She was wearing..... oh merlin, it was much worse. it was...... it was a little pinnk dress, all covered in red cherries. Tiny straps. Neville gawked.
Pansy backed awayk, nostrils flaring. "this is all your doing, isn't it?."
"What? are you crazy? where am I?" she finally looked at Neville. "Oh. Hi there. You don't happen to have any drinks around here, do you?"
"Drinks!" Laender exclaimed.
"No, i..." Neville pushed away a tendril headed for Lavnder's skirt. "Look. This is a house. I'm not a bartender. I don't know how you all ended up here, but--"
the floo lit green again. with a great sisne of tripidation, neville watched the embers swirl, really hoping it was not parvati patil, as he did not have however many sickles on him. or a single Knut TBH.
He had no idea who the woman was who stepped out, but he was.... ok, yeah he was starting to get a little hard.
She was much more composed than the others. Older. jeans, tshirt that said FUCK YOU I WOn'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
"Can I help you?" Neville siad in a semi trance state.
"Where am I?" the woman asked. woman. yes, woman, not girl. Long black hair, olive skin, big big redl lips
"um."
"Who are you?" she asked, looking neville up and down.
"um."
"hello??" she asked again, waving her hand
"hi." hesaid, sticking an arm out between Greengrass and Parkinson, who were stil tring to get at eah other. "neville. Neville Longbootm. can I help you?"
"Well,... not exactly where i expected to end up, but..." she glanced over him up and down.''Hestia. Hestia Jones."
"hestia..." neville said, shaking her hand. "listen. are you? can you?"
"Help?" she asked with a smirk, sloooking around the room. "looks like you need it. what's going on here? I was going for a drink."
"Yeah. Yo're in short luck there, I'm afraid, asI've kinda got my hands full."
A smirk. "Yeah. I see. That plant....'
"Fuk" Neville slid the devil's snare away from Lavender who was now passed clear out and moaning as a tendril went for her nipple which had slipped out of her leather top thingy, nevville tried not look.
a shot of magic flooded the room, and the bickeirng slyterins crumpeld to the ground.
"what did you?...."
"longbotm eh?" hestia said. ignoring his question. she turned and waved her wand the floo. it sparkeld red. "i've heard abtou you.. that's a... really big bed. the only one left, i'm guessing?"
"well..."
"you know," she said, sautering gorward, nipples hard under her t-shirt.... "i'm not much of a drinker, tbh"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 06:51 pm (UTC)I don't marvel that Neville needs room to... spread out andI do hope Neville and Hestia make the most of that big, big bed. ;)no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 01:50 am (UTC)lol Neville.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 03:00 am (UTC)And that 93-year-old so totally WAS looking at his arse.
It was just Neville and his Devil's Snare. Heaven.
Well, not really heaven. Heaven would not have peeling wallpaper and screaming portraits
But I bet it will have Neville! (Great opening)
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:37 pm (UTC)I mean, she's only human, right?
Thank you for a lovely comment! Can't tell you how flattering it is to get characterization praise from the writer who knocked it out of the park on this one. Blushing hard.
🍹
Date: 2020-07-29 03:37 am (UTC)Already giggling.
This is the best way to write.
Love the whole thing.
Re: 🍹
Date: 2020-08-02 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:42 pm (UTC)Bahhhahahaha, thank you for a hilarious comment. XD
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 09:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:43 pm (UTC)and totally not stalking you now for your squee-inducing art.no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 06:26 pm (UTC)God, poor Neville getting perved on by his gran's friend and then crowded by so many ladies. Really a terrible fate.
I loved the metaness of not being sure if Lavender should be alive or not and then her faking her death over 10 sickles, lol.
And you get it from Hestia, Neville! This needs a sequel stat
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:45 pm (UTC)Cherry-printed dresses are endgame-level stuff, can't argue with that.
This needs a sequel stat
I volunteer you. :D
no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 11:33 pm (UTC)Also wanting to inhabit Hestia's TShirt.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-02 09:45 pm (UTC)