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firewhiskeyficTitle: Twas a dark and stormy night and ther was onl y one bedc (c an we come back and edit titles sober? I suck agt these)
Author:oldtoadwoman
I am of legal drinking age in my region: (yes/no) yes (an d then szome)
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Michael Sheel & David Tennant & MUPPETS
Challenge/Prompts used: "There's only one bed" (no smut,will not polute yoru brain) + cheater references to all the owther prolmpts
Summary: Michael Sheeln & David Tennat & Mukppts and there is only one bed, nuff said
Rating/Warnings: references to JKR-drama, also swearing so PG?
Word count: 2556
Author's Notes (if any): I love youall. I want you to know that.
It was a dark and stormy night and Kermit the Frog was soaked downto his very stuffing. Kermit did not object to being wet. Back in the swamp, as long as you kept an eye out for alligators, a dip in teh swamp was a refreshing break from the summer heat. Kermkit very much objected to being wet AND COLD.
The bridge,, despite looking perfectly solidk, was closed under a flood warning so their bus had had to turn around only to get stuck in the mud off the edge of the road.
They had all had to walk squelching and dripping two miles to reach the nearest hotel.
Kermit could barely face what this would do to his credit card, but there was no other alternative. "Sixteen rooms, please. Doubles."
"I'm afraid there's only one bed left, sir" the clerk said.
Kermit sighed. "I guess thirty-two singles then," he siad.
"No, sir, I'm afraid you misunderstood. There is only one room left with only one bed."
"Only one?"
"It's the storm," she said. "The bridge is out, so many travelers are..."
A scruffy-looking bearded gentelmen at the back of the crowd yelled, "Bagsy!"
A thin anemic-fellow replied quietly, "They don't call it that here, Michael."
Kermit ignored them. Celebrity guest stars were low on his priority list under the scircumstances. "Are there any other hotels nearby?" he asked.
"No sir. The nearest is about five miels..."
"BAGSY!" The bearded man tried to push his way to the front of the line but was tripped u8p by Sweetums and several chickens.
Kermit didn't speak Welsh or whatever "Bagsy" was, but he sensed imminent danger relgardless. "Scooter! Credit card!"
Scotter dodged quickly to the front of th eline and produced a company credit card from one of his many pockets.
"Book it," Kermit said just as teh Welsh gent made it to the counter.
"Bagsy!" Michael Sheen plaintivlhy cried. "I called bagsy."
"I told you, Michael," David Tennatn replied. "They dob't call it that here."
He shoved his credit card at the desk clerk anyway, but she just smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry, sir, the green gentleman just booked the last room."
"so... what... we go back and sleep in teh bus?"
"The bus is probably floating downstream by now, "David Tennant said.
"Don't worry," Kermit said. "We'll share."
"I hope that's not a problem," the clerk said tentatively. "I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they're being forced to double up with strangers."
"Oh, they're with us."
"With you?" she questioned.
Pepe the Prawn poked his head above the counter. "I know what you are thinking and it's racist."
"They're our celebrity guest stars," Kermit explained.
"We have a maximum occupancy restriction," the clerk said, trailing off to silence as a lobby full of Muppets and two celebrity guest stars glared at her. "Which I imagine we can waive due to the storm," she added quietly.
"It's okay, Gozno and Animal actually prefer to sleep hanging from hangers inthe closet."
several of the chickens clucked in disapproval
"I'm sorry, sir," the clerk said. "No pets."
"We don't have any pets; just Muppets," Kermit lied with a clear conscious. Miss PIggy's dog Foo-Foo was technically a pet, but also undoubltedlky the least likely among them to cause damage.
"Do you have any spare cots?" Kermit asked.
"No, sir..."
"Due to the storm," Kermit repeat ed a;ong with her.
---
There wasn't even a bellhop to show them to their room. It wasn't that nice of a hotel. Piggy "Hrmphed" even though Sweetums had been doing all the heavy lifting for the last two miles.
"321," Fozzy said. "322, 323."
"Fozzy, this isn't Sesmae Street," Kermit said, "you don't need to provid a running commentary on the numbers.
"324, 325, 326," Fozzy continued. "Here we go. Room 327."
Scooter opened the door. It was... adequate. Welcoming in the way of an adequate hotel room when youj are weary from a long day on the road. The Muppets had stayed in far worse.
"Bagsy on the bed!" Michael Sheen called out.
"Dibs on the pillow!" Miss Piggy and Sam the Eagle shouted as one.
There were only two pillows so that sorted that out quickly enough.
"I told you, Michael," david tennant explained yet again. "They don't call it that here. You have to say 'dibs' or it doens't count."
"Is that an Ameircan thing? OR a Mupett thing?"
"A,merican? I think? Probably?" David TEnnant staried off into space briefly before nodding to himself, "Yeah, an American thing."
"Dibs on the spare blanket," Sweetums announced. And even if hadn't said 'dibs', no one was going to argue with Sweetums.
Sweetums was just laying the blanket out and settling himself on the floor when Michael Sheen anounced, "Fine, dibs on Sweetums."
"You can't call dibs on a pers--," David Tennant attempted to explain before Sweetums shrugged.
"Sure," he siad.
"Aw, well, I suppose that's all right then???" David Tennant did not seem sure about this, but Michael Sheen dumped his bags in the corner and then lay himself down on one of the larger, softer muppets.
Without argument and Animal and Gonzo went to the closet and and hung themselves from hangers. "This is so good for my back," Gonzo said. "I dont' know why I don't do this all the time."
"Waht abyot your bed of nails, " Miss Piggy scoffed.
"Only thing that's mroe comfortable, "Gonzo aggreed.
"Dibs on the middle," Bobo said.
"No!" Kermit announced firmly. "Veto! No! If you take the middle of the bed there won't be roolmfor anyone else.
the only Mukpet larget than Bobo the Bear present was Sweetums.
Tje bed was already filling up and while th emiddle didn't seem exactly primse real estate, several rats and chickesn had already fallen of the edge and had to climb back up the bed spread.
"Dibs on the middle!" David Tennant said, puffing himself up as if to dare Kermit to veto.
Kermit eyed the narrow Scot. "Sure. Fine."
David Tennant slithered into position between Piggy and Sam, both of which made it clear they were NOT sharing their pillows. Although Sam readjusted position freeing up the other side of the pillow and even spoke loudly to no one in particular about the insulating properties of his feathers when Janice started looking for her spot on the bed.
"Oh, for sure, thank you," Janice drawled as she settled in to the other side of Sam's pillow.
David Tennatn looked nervously to his other side at Kermit who had take up a spot between him and Piggy and was vying for position with Foo-Foo. "He's not going to do anything WEIRD is he?" he asked in a loud whisper.
"Sam?" Kermit repeatedd. "Honestly, I doubt Sam can work up the nerve to even do anything vanilla."
David Tenant looked back at Sam, who was staring bug-eyed at the ceiling and Janice cuddled into his wing.
"Hi, there.," David TEnnat said.
"Hi!" Sam squeaked.
"Yeah," David Tennant told Kermit, "You're right. I think we're safe tehre."
Scooter curled up on the food of the bed with the rest of The Electric Mayhiem and at least half of the rats and chickens that kept falling off the bed moved to the closet with Gonazo and Animal. Bobo the Bear curled up in the corner.
Something tickled David Tennant's feet and he flailed before spotting Pepe the Prawn. "Sorry.," the prawn said, "I did not know the Scottes were ticklish. I'll be good. I promise."
"Yes, well. So how are you doing there on the floor, Michael?" David Tennant called out to distract himself from the sea creature that was curling back up on his feet.
"Not on the floor," Michael sheen said smugly. "I'm on a Sweetums."
"Why," David Tennant asked Kermit, "is he called 'Sweetims'?"
"It's his name."
"Yes, but how does one aquire a name like Sweetums to begin with?"
"It's a long story."
"A long story involving frogs," young Robin the Frog piped in from the midst of a pile of orange and pink puff balls with big eyes.
"What are those?" David Tennant who had not previously noticed the Muppaphones asked.
"Muppaphones," kermit said with an exaggerated yawn itnended to discourage additional conversation.
"I thought Marvin Suggs was in Vegas," Piggy said.
"Fuck Marvin Suggs said one of the Muppaphones.
"Are Muippets allowed to SWEAR?" David Tennantn asked mildly scandalized.
"Don't be a dick," Kermit mumbled sleepily, not even faking his drowsiness this time.
"I want a story," Robin whined. "I can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. If no one is going to tell 'The Frog Prince' it should at least be a story about magic."
"Once upon a time," Fozzy BEar said, "there was a young Wizadr named Harry Potter..."
"No," said Bobo teh bear.
"Once upon a time there was a handzome jyoung wizard named Neville Longbottom,"
hPiggy interrupted. "And his beautiflul wizardess Luna Lovegood.
"No," Bobo repeatedd.
"Once upona time ther was a WISE AND TALENTED wizard named Luna Lovegood," Jancie began.
"Hermione Granger!" Robin insisted.
"No," Bobo Repeated;\
"So Luna Lovegood and her firlfrined Hermione Grainger," Janice continued.
\
"That works," Piggy agreedd. "Contiuen."
"No," Bpbo the bear said, louder this time.
"...were invetstigating unexplained nosies reported at Grimmauld Place"
"WAs it haunted?" Robin asked breathlessly.
"Hobgoblins," SCpooter said with a knowing nod.
"The Blackf amily tried to tell the neighbors that itw as just due to a blcoked flllooo."
"Typical," Piggy huffed.
"Hobgoblines," Scooter said again. "Defintiely hobgoblins."
"CAN WE ]NOT?!" Bobo yelled.
ssdvseveral chicksnes screamed in surprise
Even Michael Sheen lifted his head up off of SWeetums chest, where he had been comfortably dozing, to stare at Bobo.
Very quietly, Bobo said, "I'm sorrry. I'm just... I'm feeling very conflicteed about JKRowling and the whole Potterverse right now."
"Wea ll are, Bobo, "Kermit said sadly. Karmit then proceeded to gove a stirring speech about art and creators and how sometimes people do things that make us sad but it doens' tmean we cant still like the art they made, but sometehims when the wounds are still fresh it's okay to take a break andn DAvid Tennat and Michael Sheen both slept through the whole thing and din't nhear a word.
David tEnnat woke up with a start to the sound of violent banging ont he door.
"Can sSomebody PLEASE get taht?" PIggy asked. She was wearing a sleep mask over her eys. and it clearly wasn't going to be her who got out of bed to answer the door.
Davd tennat gave up and cralwed over Scooter adn a coiuple of Mippatphones who "ow'd" muiscally as he stepd on them.
But Pepp=e and Zoot and severla other Muppets he couldn't naem on sight only clung githetighter to his legs and he tiped over forward onto the foot of th ebed.
"Muppets are like Devil's Snare," Scooter said helpfully. "The more you struggle, the tighter they cling."
David Tenant willeed himself to relax, teaking several long, slighttly frustrated, breaths. Spruprisingly, as Scooter suggested, the clinging lessenedand he was habel to free himself from the bed.
He staggered to the door and opene di to find a large man in a rain poncho and a uniformed hat that might have been police or secuirty o ra milk man for al he could tell. If the man had a badge or agun, it was hidden under his rain poncho. Waht he mlos tdefinitely had waws a flashlight which he poitned directly in David TEnnant's face.
"WE've had complaints about the nosei," the man said guruffly.
David TEnnatn carefully kep t the door only partially ajar so as to not reveal the uncounted Muppets on the shared bed. It wasn't the sort of theing you wanted to explain to a stranger. "Sorry," he said, stil l feelng a bit bleery. HED been sleeping soundly enough. If thbe neighbors had sleep problems caused by the nosie levle, that seemed like apersonal problem that they needed to work out on their own. But he wasn't inclined to say so to a grumppy stranger who may or may not be arme.d
"Is this," the man asked, jis attention and the aim of his flashing ht redirected over David Tennants' shoulder. "Is htis some kind of sex thing?"
David Tennant glanced back to realize that while he'd kept the bed out of sign, Michale sHeaen was cleaerly visable sunngled up on top of Sweetums.
He turned back gto the man whow might oor migniht bot have been a cop. "Would it make it better or worse if I said it was a sex thing?" he wondered allowed. "I mean everyoen's legal and cosnentnt here so..."
The man swallowed and seem to take haf a step back.
DAvid TEneant decided to go all in. He realxed his spine and poured himsedlf liquidly agaisnt the door frame. "I mean," he purred, "You're a handsome nough bloke aren't you? Did you care to join us?"
"It's just that the noise complain."t
"They're all quiet now, aren't they?" DAvid TEnnat asked.
There was a moments pause when not a Muppet was stiring. Not even the rats.
David Tennat leaned in and winked adding a conspiratorial whisper, "IO Wore thema ll otu."
"Yes, well, um."
"They'll give youj nae trouble for the rest of the evneing, officer. I promose."
"Good. Good." The man nodded a few more times.
Michael Sheen rubbed his eyes and blinked at the flashlight. "Oh, what the fuck is it this time?"
"Npothing, lvoe, go back tae sleep." To this officer, he asked, "Hows's the storm brewing? think the bridge 'll be open by morning?"
"Oh, no, defintelky not," the man said. "There was this big tour bus all painted in psychadelic colurs and it was washed into one of the support pillars and the whole thing came down. Yeah, somebody's facing qite the lawsuit in the nornings."
"It's ont easy being green," David TEnnatn said.
"What?" the man aske.d
Fuck me" KLerm it whispered knto Poiggy's pilloow.
"N"othing" Davd Tennant said to the man. "Was there something else I could help you with?"
"No, no, um, just keep it quiet for the rest of the night."
David Tennatn nodded repeatedly as hec losed th e door.
"It's, it's not that, that I" Bobo stuttered as he closed the door. "I mean i'm no t saying that i.,.."
"It's okay, Bobo," Michael Sheen muttered sleepily into Sweetum's shoulder. "You ncan tell us all about your preferred prnouns in the morning. WE can discuss it all over eggs and cheese and bacokn. Just. Not now, please."
David Tennant staggered back itno bed and coollapsed ontop of a pile of Muppephones who ow'd the first few ntoes of a classic Diana Ross single.
"Or not," he said sleepily " or whenever., y'knw. A;l in your own time, Bobo. Just know that EVERYONE," David tennant susicipusly eyed what apepared to be a stalk of snetient asparagus that was poking out from underneath Sam the Eagle's pillow. "and everyTHING int his room loves you and accepts you for who you are."
Some of that was just repatengd Kearmit's earler speech, but Bobo appreciated hearing it again. "I love all of youl, too."
"And fuck JK Rowling," one of the Muppap=hoens said.
"Oh, yeah, definitely,' they all agreed.
Author:
oldtoadwomanI am of legal drinking age in my region: (yes/no) yes (an d then szome)
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Michael Sheel & David Tennant & MUPPETS
Challenge/Prompts used: "There's only one bed" (no smut,will not polute yoru brain) + cheater references to all the owther prolmpts
Summary: Michael Sheeln & David Tennat & Mukppts and there is only one bed, nuff said
Rating/Warnings: references to JKR-drama, also swearing so PG?
Word count: 2556
Author's Notes (if any): I love youall. I want you to know that.
It was a dark and stormy night and Kermit the Frog was soaked downto his very stuffing. Kermit did not object to being wet. Back in the swamp, as long as you kept an eye out for alligators, a dip in teh swamp was a refreshing break from the summer heat. Kermkit very much objected to being wet AND COLD.
The bridge,, despite looking perfectly solidk, was closed under a flood warning so their bus had had to turn around only to get stuck in the mud off the edge of the road.
They had all had to walk squelching and dripping two miles to reach the nearest hotel.
Kermit could barely face what this would do to his credit card, but there was no other alternative. "Sixteen rooms, please. Doubles."
"I'm afraid there's only one bed left, sir" the clerk said.
Kermit sighed. "I guess thirty-two singles then," he siad.
"No, sir, I'm afraid you misunderstood. There is only one room left with only one bed."
"Only one?"
"It's the storm," she said. "The bridge is out, so many travelers are..."
A scruffy-looking bearded gentelmen at the back of the crowd yelled, "Bagsy!"
A thin anemic-fellow replied quietly, "They don't call it that here, Michael."
Kermit ignored them. Celebrity guest stars were low on his priority list under the scircumstances. "Are there any other hotels nearby?" he asked.
"No sir. The nearest is about five miels..."
"BAGSY!" The bearded man tried to push his way to the front of the line but was tripped u8p by Sweetums and several chickens.
Kermit didn't speak Welsh or whatever "Bagsy" was, but he sensed imminent danger relgardless. "Scooter! Credit card!"
Scotter dodged quickly to the front of th eline and produced a company credit card from one of his many pockets.
"Book it," Kermit said just as teh Welsh gent made it to the counter.
"Bagsy!" Michael Sheen plaintivlhy cried. "I called bagsy."
"I told you, Michael," David Tennatn replied. "They dob't call it that here."
He shoved his credit card at the desk clerk anyway, but she just smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry, sir, the green gentleman just booked the last room."
"so... what... we go back and sleep in teh bus?"
"The bus is probably floating downstream by now, "David Tennant said.
"Don't worry," Kermit said. "We'll share."
"I hope that's not a problem," the clerk said tentatively. "I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they're being forced to double up with strangers."
"Oh, they're with us."
"With you?" she questioned.
Pepe the Prawn poked his head above the counter. "I know what you are thinking and it's racist."
"They're our celebrity guest stars," Kermit explained.
"We have a maximum occupancy restriction," the clerk said, trailing off to silence as a lobby full of Muppets and two celebrity guest stars glared at her. "Which I imagine we can waive due to the storm," she added quietly.
"It's okay, Gozno and Animal actually prefer to sleep hanging from hangers inthe closet."
several of the chickens clucked in disapproval
"I'm sorry, sir," the clerk said. "No pets."
"We don't have any pets; just Muppets," Kermit lied with a clear conscious. Miss PIggy's dog Foo-Foo was technically a pet, but also undoubltedlky the least likely among them to cause damage.
"Do you have any spare cots?" Kermit asked.
"No, sir..."
"Due to the storm," Kermit repeat ed a;ong with her.
---
There wasn't even a bellhop to show them to their room. It wasn't that nice of a hotel. Piggy "Hrmphed" even though Sweetums had been doing all the heavy lifting for the last two miles.
"321," Fozzy said. "322, 323."
"Fozzy, this isn't Sesmae Street," Kermit said, "you don't need to provid a running commentary on the numbers.
"324, 325, 326," Fozzy continued. "Here we go. Room 327."
Scooter opened the door. It was... adequate. Welcoming in the way of an adequate hotel room when youj are weary from a long day on the road. The Muppets had stayed in far worse.
"Bagsy on the bed!" Michael Sheen called out.
"Dibs on the pillow!" Miss Piggy and Sam the Eagle shouted as one.
There were only two pillows so that sorted that out quickly enough.
"I told you, Michael," david tennant explained yet again. "They don't call it that here. You have to say 'dibs' or it doens't count."
"Is that an Ameircan thing? OR a Mupett thing?"
"A,merican? I think? Probably?" David TEnnant staried off into space briefly before nodding to himself, "Yeah, an American thing."
"Dibs on the spare blanket," Sweetums announced. And even if hadn't said 'dibs', no one was going to argue with Sweetums.
Sweetums was just laying the blanket out and settling himself on the floor when Michael Sheen anounced, "Fine, dibs on Sweetums."
"You can't call dibs on a pers--," David Tennant attempted to explain before Sweetums shrugged.
"Sure," he siad.
"Aw, well, I suppose that's all right then???" David Tennant did not seem sure about this, but Michael Sheen dumped his bags in the corner and then lay himself down on one of the larger, softer muppets.
Without argument and Animal and Gonzo went to the closet and and hung themselves from hangers. "This is so good for my back," Gonzo said. "I dont' know why I don't do this all the time."
"Waht abyot your bed of nails, " Miss Piggy scoffed.
"Only thing that's mroe comfortable, "Gonzo aggreed.
"Dibs on the middle," Bobo said.
"No!" Kermit announced firmly. "Veto! No! If you take the middle of the bed there won't be roolmfor anyone else.
the only Mukpet larget than Bobo the Bear present was Sweetums.
Tje bed was already filling up and while th emiddle didn't seem exactly primse real estate, several rats and chickesn had already fallen of the edge and had to climb back up the bed spread.
"Dibs on the middle!" David Tennant said, puffing himself up as if to dare Kermit to veto.
Kermit eyed the narrow Scot. "Sure. Fine."
David Tennant slithered into position between Piggy and Sam, both of which made it clear they were NOT sharing their pillows. Although Sam readjusted position freeing up the other side of the pillow and even spoke loudly to no one in particular about the insulating properties of his feathers when Janice started looking for her spot on the bed.
"Oh, for sure, thank you," Janice drawled as she settled in to the other side of Sam's pillow.
David Tennatn looked nervously to his other side at Kermit who had take up a spot between him and Piggy and was vying for position with Foo-Foo. "He's not going to do anything WEIRD is he?" he asked in a loud whisper.
"Sam?" Kermit repeatedd. "Honestly, I doubt Sam can work up the nerve to even do anything vanilla."
David Tenant looked back at Sam, who was staring bug-eyed at the ceiling and Janice cuddled into his wing.
"Hi, there.," David TEnnat said.
"Hi!" Sam squeaked.
"Yeah," David Tennant told Kermit, "You're right. I think we're safe tehre."
Scooter curled up on the food of the bed with the rest of The Electric Mayhiem and at least half of the rats and chickens that kept falling off the bed moved to the closet with Gonazo and Animal. Bobo the Bear curled up in the corner.
Something tickled David Tennant's feet and he flailed before spotting Pepe the Prawn. "Sorry.," the prawn said, "I did not know the Scottes were ticklish. I'll be good. I promise."
"Yes, well. So how are you doing there on the floor, Michael?" David Tennant called out to distract himself from the sea creature that was curling back up on his feet.
"Not on the floor," Michael sheen said smugly. "I'm on a Sweetums."
"Why," David Tennant asked Kermit, "is he called 'Sweetims'?"
"It's his name."
"Yes, but how does one aquire a name like Sweetums to begin with?"
"It's a long story."
"A long story involving frogs," young Robin the Frog piped in from the midst of a pile of orange and pink puff balls with big eyes.
"What are those?" David Tennant who had not previously noticed the Muppaphones asked.
"Muppaphones," kermit said with an exaggerated yawn itnended to discourage additional conversation.
"I thought Marvin Suggs was in Vegas," Piggy said.
"Fuck Marvin Suggs said one of the Muppaphones.
"Are Muippets allowed to SWEAR?" David Tennantn asked mildly scandalized.
"Don't be a dick," Kermit mumbled sleepily, not even faking his drowsiness this time.
"I want a story," Robin whined. "I can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. If no one is going to tell 'The Frog Prince' it should at least be a story about magic."
"Once upon a time," Fozzy BEar said, "there was a young Wizadr named Harry Potter..."
"No," said Bobo teh bear.
"Once upon a time there was a handzome jyoung wizard named Neville Longbottom,"
hPiggy interrupted. "And his beautiflul wizardess Luna Lovegood.
"No," Bobo repeatedd.
"Once upona time ther was a WISE AND TALENTED wizard named Luna Lovegood," Jancie began.
"Hermione Granger!" Robin insisted.
"No," Bobo Repeated;\
"So Luna Lovegood and her firlfrined Hermione Grainger," Janice continued.
\
"That works," Piggy agreedd. "Contiuen."
"No," Bpbo the bear said, louder this time.
"...were invetstigating unexplained nosies reported at Grimmauld Place"
"WAs it haunted?" Robin asked breathlessly.
"Hobgoblins," SCpooter said with a knowing nod.
"The Blackf amily tried to tell the neighbors that itw as just due to a blcoked flllooo."
"Typical," Piggy huffed.
"Hobgoblines," Scooter said again. "Defintiely hobgoblins."
"CAN WE ]NOT?!" Bobo yelled.
ssdvseveral chicksnes screamed in surprise
Even Michael Sheen lifted his head up off of SWeetums chest, where he had been comfortably dozing, to stare at Bobo.
Very quietly, Bobo said, "I'm sorrry. I'm just... I'm feeling very conflicteed about JKRowling and the whole Potterverse right now."
"Wea ll are, Bobo, "Kermit said sadly. Karmit then proceeded to gove a stirring speech about art and creators and how sometimes people do things that make us sad but it doens' tmean we cant still like the art they made, but sometehims when the wounds are still fresh it's okay to take a break andn DAvid Tennat and Michael Sheen both slept through the whole thing and din't nhear a word.
David tEnnat woke up with a start to the sound of violent banging ont he door.
"Can sSomebody PLEASE get taht?" PIggy asked. She was wearing a sleep mask over her eys. and it clearly wasn't going to be her who got out of bed to answer the door.
Davd tennat gave up and cralwed over Scooter adn a coiuple of Mippatphones who "ow'd" muiscally as he stepd on them.
But Pepp=e and Zoot and severla other Muppets he couldn't naem on sight only clung githetighter to his legs and he tiped over forward onto the foot of th ebed.
"Muppets are like Devil's Snare," Scooter said helpfully. "The more you struggle, the tighter they cling."
David Tenant willeed himself to relax, teaking several long, slighttly frustrated, breaths. Spruprisingly, as Scooter suggested, the clinging lessenedand he was habel to free himself from the bed.
He staggered to the door and opene di to find a large man in a rain poncho and a uniformed hat that might have been police or secuirty o ra milk man for al he could tell. If the man had a badge or agun, it was hidden under his rain poncho. Waht he mlos tdefinitely had waws a flashlight which he poitned directly in David TEnnant's face.
"WE've had complaints about the nosei," the man said guruffly.
David TEnnatn carefully kep t the door only partially ajar so as to not reveal the uncounted Muppets on the shared bed. It wasn't the sort of theing you wanted to explain to a stranger. "Sorry," he said, stil l feelng a bit bleery. HED been sleeping soundly enough. If thbe neighbors had sleep problems caused by the nosie levle, that seemed like apersonal problem that they needed to work out on their own. But he wasn't inclined to say so to a grumppy stranger who may or may not be arme.d
"Is this," the man asked, jis attention and the aim of his flashing ht redirected over David Tennants' shoulder. "Is htis some kind of sex thing?"
David Tennant glanced back to realize that while he'd kept the bed out of sign, Michale sHeaen was cleaerly visable sunngled up on top of Sweetums.
He turned back gto the man whow might oor migniht bot have been a cop. "Would it make it better or worse if I said it was a sex thing?" he wondered allowed. "I mean everyoen's legal and cosnentnt here so..."
The man swallowed and seem to take haf a step back.
DAvid TEneant decided to go all in. He realxed his spine and poured himsedlf liquidly agaisnt the door frame. "I mean," he purred, "You're a handsome nough bloke aren't you? Did you care to join us?"
"It's just that the noise complain."t
"They're all quiet now, aren't they?" DAvid TEnnat asked.
There was a moments pause when not a Muppet was stiring. Not even the rats.
David Tennat leaned in and winked adding a conspiratorial whisper, "IO Wore thema ll otu."
"Yes, well, um."
"They'll give youj nae trouble for the rest of the evneing, officer. I promose."
"Good. Good." The man nodded a few more times.
Michael Sheen rubbed his eyes and blinked at the flashlight. "Oh, what the fuck is it this time?"
"Npothing, lvoe, go back tae sleep." To this officer, he asked, "Hows's the storm brewing? think the bridge 'll be open by morning?"
"Oh, no, defintelky not," the man said. "There was this big tour bus all painted in psychadelic colurs and it was washed into one of the support pillars and the whole thing came down. Yeah, somebody's facing qite the lawsuit in the nornings."
"It's ont easy being green," David TEnnatn said.
"What?" the man aske.d
Fuck me" KLerm it whispered knto Poiggy's pilloow.
"N"othing" Davd Tennant said to the man. "Was there something else I could help you with?"
"No, no, um, just keep it quiet for the rest of the night."
David Tennatn nodded repeatedly as hec losed th e door.
"It's, it's not that, that I" Bobo stuttered as he closed the door. "I mean i'm no t saying that i.,.."
"It's okay, Bobo," Michael Sheen muttered sleepily into Sweetum's shoulder. "You ncan tell us all about your preferred prnouns in the morning. WE can discuss it all over eggs and cheese and bacokn. Just. Not now, please."
David Tennant staggered back itno bed and coollapsed ontop of a pile of Muppephones who ow'd the first few ntoes of a classic Diana Ross single.
"Or not," he said sleepily " or whenever., y'knw. A;l in your own time, Bobo. Just know that EVERYONE," David tennant susicipusly eyed what apepared to be a stalk of snetient asparagus that was poking out from underneath Sam the Eagle's pillow. "and everyTHING int his room loves you and accepts you for who you are."
Some of that was just repatengd Kearmit's earler speech, but Bobo appreciated hearing it again. "I love all of youl, too."
"And fuck JK Rowling," one of the Muppap=hoens said.
"Oh, yeah, definitely,' they all agreed.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 05:57 pm (UTC)This was all kinds of adorable and funny and clever and meta.
"Fozzy, this isn't Sesmae Street," Kermit said, "you don't need to provid a running commentary on the numbers.
*giggles*
several rats and chickesn had already fallen of the edge and had to climb back up the bed spread
LOL omg the utter mayhem
"Would it make it better or worse if I said it was a sex thing?" he wondered allowed.
LMAO I can totally hear DT saying that.
Any of these Muppets could cling to me like Devil's Snare any time. ♥
Kermit
Date: 2020-08-02 08:46 pm (UTC)Thank you! And Kermit is always a win!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 09:54 pm (UTC)the green gentleman
Date: 2020-08-02 08:47 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2020-07-29 01:25 am (UTC)David Tennant gets more Scottish with every typo.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 01:39 am (UTC)LOL.
Thank you for writing this, it's precious. xo
Scottish typos
Date: 2020-08-02 08:49 pm (UTC)Hee! I left a decoy comment on my own story so you couldn't deduce it was me by omission.
Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 02:28 am (UTC)Kermit didn't speak Welsh or whatever "Bagsy" was
Hahaha!
I call dibs on Kermit.
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Date: 2020-08-02 08:51 pm (UTC)No dibs on Kermit. Kermit must be shared.
Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 02:59 am (UTC)Ahaha. Perfectly believable line from Tennant. This was all super cute!
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Date: 2020-08-02 08:51 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 05:17 am (UTC)And I kept seeing Scrooge McDuck for Tennant.
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Date: 2020-08-02 08:51 pm (UTC)Hee!
no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 05:10 pm (UTC)Lolol!!! I loved this! I have no idea where you got the idea for it, if it was a before-drinking or after-having-had-a-few idea, but it's remarkably coherent and well done! You had David Tennant down pat with him pouring himself against the door frame!
Muppets
Date: 2020-08-02 08:56 pm (UTC)I have, weirdly enough, written Muppets before and after several requests for more, I'm in the middle of an unrelated Muppet story (they're holding an intervention for Beaker). So when I was pondering ideas for this I was already solidly in Muppet-brain and then I said to myself, "You what my previous Muppet stories have been missing? Celebrity guest stars!"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 01:57 am (UTC)I LOVE poor David having to be the Token Rational Adult (it's a nice break for Kermit, though).
And the BUS! Broke the BRIDGE!!!
And swearing Muppets are my FAVE.
And Michael Sheen causing ALL THE PROBLEMS...and calling bagsy on everything while David does his stammering, "I'm not, it's not...it's...ohhh..."
Also...FOZZIE counting aloud although it's not Sesame Street!
And DAVID...David finally GOING WITH THE INSANITY via asking if it would be better or worse if it WERE a sex thing...and then coming on to the officers! LOLOL!
This is charming in the extreme.
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Date: 2020-08-02 08:57 pm (UTC)Thank you! I have no idea why Muppets always swear in my brain, but it just sounds so natural to me. :-)
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 08:20 am (UTC)💚
Date: 2020-08-02 09:01 pm (UTC)Thank you!
And I can point you at one of my previous fics, because, yes, I've written Muppets before. They are ridiculously entertaining to write. It's like therapy.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 04:15 pm (UTC)David Tennant
Date: 2020-08-02 09:02 pm (UTC)David Tennant is the best.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 04:00 pm (UTC)And like everyone else i love David Tennant's chat with the man come about the noise.
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Date: 2020-08-02 09:03 pm (UTC)Thank you!
This story really took off in my brain when I decided who the celebrity guest star should be. It was only the vaguest of ideas until I suddenly realized I could stick David Tennant in the story for no reason.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-31 04:45 pm (UTC)💚
Date: 2020-08-02 09:06 pm (UTC)Thank you! I have no idea where my brain comes up with these either, but my Muppet stories sort of write themselves. Muppets just start doing crazy shit in my brain while I desperately try to type it all up before I forget it.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-01 10:49 pm (UTC)LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Muppets
Date: 2020-08-02 09:07 pm (UTC)Thank you!
And I highly recommend writing Muppets. It's like a weird form a therapy. (Muppet Family Christmas was the best thing ever!)
no subject
Date: 2020-08-22 12:42 am (UTC)booze
Date: 2020-08-22 02:33 am (UTC)I found out about this just days before the event. (Apparently they do them several times a year so I'm looking forward to the next one.) I've just been stuck in writer's block mode for a long time and this helped me realize that my hangup is overthinking. I need to learn to just bang out that first draft and worry about whether it's "good enough" later.
Also, Muppets are my therapy apparently. This is my third Muppet fic. (Only one has made it past the editing stage and gotten as far as AO3 though. It's about death.)
no subject
Date: 2020-08-24 12:47 pm (UTC)This was hilarious, god you’re so funny, I was laughing out loud all through this, starting with the clerk responding to Kermit’s request for sixteen double rooms with ‘there’s only one bed’ lmao. I loved the whole idea of Tennant & Sheen sharing a room/bed with a busload of muppets telling objectionable bedtime stories. I could see Tennant’s expressive reactions to all of it (Sam being no cause for concern, the barnacle muppets, the asparagus peaking up from behind the pillow lol).
Sorry, I’m gonna do my usual repeating-things-I-particularly-loved - I also loved Sheen yelling ‘bagsy’, Fozzy counting room no.s, the muppaphones saying ‘fuck Marvin Suggs’ & owe-ing ‘musically’ (part of a Diana Ross song) when Tennant stepped (lay) on them haha. Tennant getting devil snared by Pepper & Zoot, Poncho guy thinking Sheen snuggling on the furry muppet was a sex thing & Tennant going with that to get him to go away haha. And poor Kermit, with the bus lawsuit, he can never catch a break lol
And definitely f*ck JK Rowling. Poor Bobo (& all the many people she’s hurt). This was amazing, you’re amazing, thank you!
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Date: 2020-08-24 02:35 pm (UTC)"Bagsy" was courtesy of Amy. They put the prompts out before the event and I latched onto the "only one bed" prompt and I already had Muppets on the brain because I have started writing an unrelated Muppet fic. And I realize the one thing I would have done differently with Old Muppets Never Die is there should have been a celebrity guest star there for no reason. Muppet things always have a human celebrity guest star in the middle of things for no reason. And I had just watched something funny on YouTube with Michael Sheen and David Tennant. Then I had the idea of Michael Sheen calling dibs on the bed and, thank heaven, I asked Amy, "Do British people call dibs on things?" and she said it should be bagsy (a term I'd never heard before).
So I went into this with sober-me having already figured out it was going to be about Michael Sheen and David Tennant and a pile of Muppets and I figured drunk-me couldn't mess that up too badly. Aside from my total inability to type, it went better than expected. The bedtime story and Bobo's objections were total stream of consciousness that I didn't have planned at the start. Though I did have it vaguely in the back of my head for the other fic that I'm writing that I could re-write Bobo as trans because I need more lady Muppets for that story. (Kermit's about to get a stern talking to about his hiring practices because it isn't until you try to name female Muppets that you realize how few of them there are. And half of them are lady pigs.)
I did accidentally forget to include a few things, so when I (eventually) re-edit this for AO3, there will be a random musical interlude to a John Denver song and a cut-scene of Miss Piggy using her hair dryer to fluff everyone back up after the rain.