ENTRY #1

Feb. 3rd, 2020 11:34 am
torino10154: Glass of firewhiskey (Firewhiskeyfic)
[personal profile] torino10154 posting in [community profile] firewhiskeyfic
Title: His Breath Is Warm But
Author: [personal profile] paulamcg
I am of legal drinking age in my region: yes
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: Snupin, background Wolfstar / Remus and Severus / HP
Challenge/Prompts used: All
Summary: Remus hopes for a hotter end to this cool story.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13?
Word count: 650
Author's Notes (if any): Set in the GoF winter. Might possibly, surprisingly, not contradict anything else I’ve written.


There’s no light and the door’s charmed closed for the night. But I mus tn’t despair. I’m not too late. nothin’s too l ate on Knoxturn Alley. There’s always some shop open and I’ll ge to spen the night in a warm place. Now just a moment herr in the shelter from the wind beforeI go down the allwy. I lean against the door and fold my arms, bury my bar hands on my armpots and close my eues.

There’s a hot breath on my face. Whiskey, yes firewhisky.

Just when I open my eyes and recognise the nose he saus, “Whar are you doin here?

my lips re numb but I mansge, “I live here.2

Thanks to you not at Hogarts. But I don’t say that, just But youre supposed to be at Hogrts, harassing Jameses son and his frends. But I dont think Im reallu sayin that etiher becuse Im too cold.

And that’s why hesstaring at me.

Perhapd im paranoid and thinj this is why he outed my as werewold. he’s plannedall this. he’s been spying on me, of course hes a spy we know that. Ans now he comes on the coldest night becase thisi s how he watns me.

I’m freezing, my feet are numb, and I dont find tjis erotic atall. But ive seen him wankin in snow, standing barefet in snow, leanin againt a frozen treetrunl our seventh year and ladt year. Severus, I wanted to sya last year. I wnted him he reminded me of sirius. I rememer once I thout he was Sirius….

When he was comin in the tunnel form the willow and I was hald tranformed and saw just a face framed by black hari. Of coiurse he remmebrrs but he hates sirius thinks tht sirius sent him to be killd by the wolf. He loves me, tprturing me. Evne thw woldbane potion was a tprture, made me consicious all throuh the change. But now thise thougths are gwtting too complicsted. The pornt is I kmow he is aroused by cold exposure. The masocist bastradis sadist too.

“Here+ in this doorwau?2 he asks dinally

“almost, I say. The room ive rented id not much better and not far from here but I dont want him there iwant him in a warm place and I hope theres a happy end for this stoey

Hes leaning cloe and his breath is warm but noe he turns and reaces to grab an icicle from the low eves. Hes pointing ot at me like a wand

Now tell me where the murderer is

How would I know? Somewhere warm. I just shaje my head. Get me a hot drink and Ill tell yu

his lip curls isnt that his signatuere expression. At least hes not rubbing te icicle against my skin. His holding it in onw fist and stroking it with the other then he slips an icecold hand inside of my robes otno my shoulder onto the bite scar

He knows its there he saw it the first tome we met riht here outside this bookshop. Itwas christmas our fourht year and Id come to look for forbidden books about transfigurition for myfriendw who wnted to becomeanimagi for me. Poor severus was trying to make some money his dad was a drunk andtheydidnt give hem proper clotes he had no cloak and I offered him mine. No we didnt huddel for warmth. I tried to hug him and he when he pushed me away hes frosbitten fingerd dlipped onto my should under my robes.

Come on he says nw he swirls his cloak around me come on theres an inn nezt door thats famousfor its firwhisky and rooms with bath and shower. Well see what youll tell me to get a hot bath and not cold shower.

Date: 2020-02-03 05:52 pm (UTC)
lightofdaye: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lightofdaye
I thought I was following on okay until murderer then I had to reread. Then the header clued me in that he's trying to get Sirius' location out of Remus.

There is some intense complex stuff here once cleaned up!

Eta: i am sober but still bad at typing, especially on my phone.
Edited Date: 2020-02-03 09:03 pm (UTC)

Date: 2020-02-09 10:27 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thanks for doing your best to follow, even rereading! Now I’ve got this cleaned up (and posted here) but I’ve only fixed the typos and added the missing punctuation. The murderer issue is still quite as unclear. But intense and complex sound like praise I can be proud of. After some drinks I was intensely channelling Remus and tried to type up all his strange thoughts and memories as fast as they arose.

I’ve been to your journal, and I’d really like to add you, as you’ve got the best words, the most beautiful words etc.

Date: 2020-02-12 09:40 pm (UTC)
lightofdaye: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lightofdaye
Hi, sorry I took a while to respond, this week has been hectic. That's definitely how I edit my firewhiskey; Clean up the typos best I can and leave the rest alone.

Add away! :)
Edited Date: 2020-02-12 09:41 pm (UTC)

Date: 2020-02-13 03:33 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you for adding me back – and for responding here, too. As a beginner at fwf I’m grateful for the reassurance that I’m doing it right with the editing. (I’m making my record with the number of comments here, partly because I posted a comment on my own fic, too, and a reply to it :))

Date: 2020-02-03 07:46 pm (UTC)
lq_traintracks: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lq_traintracks
Oh wow, like, I didn't get that he was looking for Sirius until it just sort of dawned on me toward the end! How did you hold that in your drunk head well enough to write it all down?? This is really good! I also wonder if the cold hand on Remus's bite wound was... a kindness? That's how I read it.

I did really like this set of typos: bury my bar hands on my armpots. LOL. And parts of this slipped into what seemed like Latin, like, The masocist bastradis sadist too.

Beyond the drunk writing, though, this was quite good! :)

Date: 2020-02-10 02:51 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you! I’m thrilled to get such good feedback on this product of a drunken mind and fumbling fingers.

I suppose the explanation for this achievement is that I didn’t hold the ideas in my head, but just poured them out as soon as they came. I didn’t think that Severus was after Sirius until the moment he started asking his question. Since you’re the second reader to admit having got confused at that point, I wonder if I should add something to Remus’s next thought: How would I know where my Padfoot has trotted? Otherwise – particularly after getting more comments than on anything I’ve published after my hiatus – I’m quite happy with how this turned out and how much I managed to say in a few – misspelled – words.

The misspellings you mention are my favourites, too. Those ones can be pronounced and (at least almost) mean something that’s not completely wrong. And in your view, I’ve achieved Latin! You make me blush.

And, above all, your beautiful interpretation of Severus’s cold hand warms my heart.

I enjoyed and admired your fic (and this comment of yours) so much that I’d love to add you as a friend if you don’t mind. Thank you again!

Date: 2020-02-03 10:11 pm (UTC)
tjs_whatnot: (Default)
From: [personal profile] tjs_whatnot
Intrigue! I am super impressed!

❤❤

Date: 2020-02-10 06:07 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you for praising my fic with such a fabulous word. I’m thrilled if in this fun event I succeeded in writing a complicated plot or involving my characters in complications and in illicit intimacy, and even impressing a writer like you. ❤❤❤❤

And you write about Remus, too! At least when you are drunk? I love your Snupin here, and I’d love to add you if you don’t mind. (I’ve now been to your journal, and I wonder why I didn’t ask to add you during Snowflake, or did I?)

Date: 2020-02-04 03:11 am (UTC)
ruinsplume: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ruinsplume
wow, there is a lot here! Impressive!
And I can totally see severus having that kink!

Date: 2020-02-10 06:24 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you for the kind praise! I surprised myself by including some kind of flashbacks or memories of (three?) different encounters, which I didn’t think about when starting to write.

And I’m thrilled the kink works for you – or at least for Severus, in your view! I don’t think I’d ever really written kinky fic, even though I’d just realised that characters suffering from cold (due to poverty, and not finding it erotic) is some kind of a kink for me. I guess I needed Remus here to explain the kink.

Besides, I’ve never been a Severus writer. But perhaps I’m now going to be, as this complex relationship has become part of my Remus’s life.

Date: 2020-02-04 02:58 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Oh, I love them! Also tprturing them. Even trying to pronounce that word hurts, though. Burying bar hands on my armpots is pleasant in a simpler way. It must have been not a bad decision to give up the dialogue punctuation early on.

Date: 2020-02-10 06:33 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Good try, dear Paula! But that’s the only one among our eight comments in which we don’t address the writer as you.

Yes, we love Remus, and now Severus, too, more intimately than before. Perhaps we enjoy torturing them with our words. But we would have appreciated getting more of those pronounceable, almost-meaningful words, as well as a bit less of punctuationlessness.

Thanks for commenting in any case, and making sure that this is PaulaMcG’s most popular fic since 2010.
Edited Date: 2020-02-10 06:40 pm (UTC)

Date: 2020-02-06 05:26 pm (UTC)
kiertorata: (snape)
From: [personal profile] kiertorata
I'm genuinely intrigued! Like, I don't know exactly what's going on, but I'm intrigued anyway. xD Such a cool mix of mysterious, sexy and tragic!

My favorite line has to be Remus's ability to negotiate in the situation: Get me a hot drink and Ill tell yu

Well done! :D

Date: 2020-02-10 06:50 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you so much for your lovely comment! Perhaps not knowing what’s going on actually helps in being intrigued. I’m thrilled you think I’ve achieved mysterious, sexy and tragic (at least almost) simultaneously (in 650 words).

And you make me realise that Remus does negotiate while he’s got nothing to tell Severus. Perhaps I managed to write him in character – crafty, and not despairing.

I loved your fic here, and I’d love to add you if you don’t mind.

Date: 2020-02-08 02:57 am (UTC)
songquake: (Default)
From: [personal profile] songquake
and I hope theres a happy end for this stoey

Me too, MA.

I love how the drunkenness makes all this more dreamlike. The murderer thing confused me, too, but in a re-read it all made sense.

Date: 2020-02-10 07:09 pm (UTC)
paulamcg: (Default)
From: [personal profile] paulamcg
Thank you so much for commenting, and even re-reading!

The end’s left open, but perhaps Remus can negotiate a warm bath and a warm meal, too, for himself, if not anything hotter, but it’s up to each reader.

I’m glad you use the word dreamlike, as that was how several of my fics were described in the good old days. Perhaps when fixing the typos and adding punctuation, I could have added something to Remus’s thoughts, for instance How would I know where my Padfoot’s trotted?

I loved your fic here! Because I wanted to vote for six different fics, it was hard for me to decide which category to choose for yours. And I’d love to add you if you don’t mind.

Date: 2020-07-30 04:10 pm (UTC)
oldtoadwoman: Sam Winchester, Supernatural 14x17 (reading)
From: [personal profile] oldtoadwoman

and I hope theres a happy end for this stoey

Accidental meta?

I hate that JKR named two characters "Sirius" and "Severus" because half the time, my brain only sees "S..r..us" and I get them mixed up.

So this bit: Severus, I wanted to sya last year. I wnted him he reminded me of sirius. I rememer once I thout he was Sirius….

I feel ya, Lupin.

:-)

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