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firewhiskeyfic2022-07-05 09:11 am
torino10154) wrote in firewhiskeyfic2022-07-05 09:11 am
Entry tags:
ENTRY #5
Title: No such think as one too many (cocks)
Author:songquake
I am of legal drinking age in my region: yup
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP Fandom: Aberforth, Rosmerta, Potter/Zabini/Malfoy, squint-and-you'll miss her Hermione
Challenge/Prompts used: Stiicking the prompt ehre, hopeing to get most of them in maybe.
Madam Rosmerta and/or Aberforth Dumbledore
Hog's Head
Marathon
Insomnia
Forced Proximity
One Too Many
Rating/Warnings: NC-17. Everyone's been drinking so consent is... mildly dubious, though still enthusiastic.
Word count: 1552
Summary: The one where Rosmerta locks eeryone in the Hogs Head.
Author's Notes (if any): Medium daily digetst meets wikipedia meets HP meets the prompts. Also, mods—somehow I can’t turn the straight quotes off while drunk, so I expect that coding will break. Um. Maybe I’ll have the wearwithal to put this in a more helpeufl FUCK I JUST REALIZED AUTOCORRECT IS SOMEHOW ON TOO. FUCK. Okat, I have me oved t o Oppe n Offce, which I think will beeasier to use while drunk, and YES I CAN MAKE STRAIGHT QUPES
Onwarad!
The Godgs' Head was teeming with peole, which did not make Abervorth very happy at all. Indeed, while th e supposed that as a pubman )is that a word? it is now? the proprietor of a pbualic house--thank God that's who that typo worked) AS A PBUM AN he ought to be gratful that Madam Rosmera's costomers were coming ot him sinceshe dceided post-war renvoations were in order. He ought to be grateufl fur their custom. But Aberforth had never been good at being frateful for the things others though eh should be grateful for. Like all his bother's escapades. Fuck that shite.
JPeopel thought tha t folks who ran businesses like his should be extraverts, but he wasn't. It just happened that he liked a lot of drinks and this was a way that he culd write them off as a business expense (I AM NOT READING BRITISH TAX CODES TONIGHT SO I AM GOING TO SSUME THAT BUSINESS EXPENSES CAN BE WRITTEN OFF THERE TOO). In any event. nobody semeed ot mind his curmudgeonly attitide too much
There were a bunch of former Gryffindors in his bar rignt now. THis is somethign they started doing during and right after teh wrar. The fuck. THe thing aobut ti was, Aberforth never gave a shir about anythign the grovernemtn or any other aughority figure ruled was "for the greater voog." THat included werving youngsres. it didn't furt that that was the sort of thing that really got under Albus's skin: he wanted to think his chidlren were all vinnocent and virtuous and stuff, but beforth new that notne of the Hogwards students were anu kore virtuaious or innocent than Albus himself had ever been. But that didnt mean that the vast amounts of young wexent coming in to his pub made Aberforth happey either.
Which was not very.
"I’ve had hundreds of kids thundering through my pub, Potter!" he had said right before the final battel. He wasn't happy about the kids beign there, but only becuase he wasn't fond of his pub being os craowded.
Rosmerta hwerslef was in the pub tonight. She was one who seemed to like all the people. SHe was alos one to be xtra-judgmental, whether if was about his relationship with his goats (listen, they were fine companions, and just becuase he hung out with them didnt mean he atually fucked them most of the time, thank you very much) or with some of the deperate young ment who kame into his br confused aobut heir sexuality and looking for a sense of how to get things going with other young people. Averforth didnt' acutally mind tutoring them somuch. Learning to please other men and women was something he had picked up over his rather lengthy lifetime. And in fact this was something he and Rosmerta had in common.
(TIME FOR ANOHTER DRINK)
"Right," Rosmerta anounced. "Everyone in htis place except for the two of us is horney and hopeless. Tiem to lock e'm all in and give some lesssongs." She lifted her wand and locked all the entrances in the publ, even selian the Ariana portraint and thewindows. "ABIERTE!" she said. (I don't know if thats actually a spell or if I'm just tiking spanish is spells now.) OH! The spell is Colloportus, isn't it. So Rosmerta used that, with an Abierte on the side becuase spells are stronger when cast in wto languages. *nods* (wathc my spansih be absolute shit when drunk, too.)
SO rosmerta locked all of the people in to provide some forced proximity (check mark). Not that anyone noticed, at leasr not at afirst. Like the folks who were drinking all day and trying to write, they weren't exactly noticing their surroundings so mch
Except damn Hermione Grnger who was like, "hey, you can't do that? what do you think this is, an Eveangelical Youth Group sleepover?"
None of the wizards got it. Nto that they were paying attneton. But for the sake of eeryone's ears and sanity, Rosmerta let her out, screamjng about consnt all the way.
"Listen up, young wixen!" Aberforth yelled. "we are having a consent-based lock-in! Check int with each other before you shag and if you don't knwo what you're doing for the love of Goats, come get soem advice fomr me and Rosie!" All the whtie brits blushed red. And the various black nad brown folks did as well, it was just less visibel.
"well said, Aberforth," said Rosmerta. Aberforth grunted in response.
They l=sruveyed the room. Several pairs of students were snogging and dry-humbping. Aberforth wrinkeld his nose: they had no finesse. Alas. There was one pair that looked like they were haivng a marathon snog, soon joined by anohter. Which was something, sine hte third had to grab one of them in order to force him to come up for air.
Voyeuris was important for any sexual tutor. Aberforth felth is trousers tighten but ignored it. He had been monitoing that trio all night; he didn't think they had one too any drinks. He didn't htink they had one too many partners, either. But they were sturggling a bit with execution.
Aveerthouth approached. "lads, you do realize that the mouth isntthe only place you can kiss, yeah?"
THe ghree borke apart, but, always bold, Averforth saw Harry Potter grab the thighs of each of his companions and slide his hadns toward their crotches. It was possible he wasn't hopeless after all. The two othe r young men, Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy, gasped and widened hteir eyes before closing them in pleasure.
"Do you want to have a room or shall you conusmmate this where eeryone can see?" Aberforth said, not really caring what the answer was, but secretly relieved when young malfoy said, "A room, please, if there aren't too many fleas."
Aberforth snorted. "Any fleas can be easily banished, and besides, I've put a spell up against all sorts of insects since that time I found Rita Skeeter in here. Should have squashed her when that happened, but wasn't feelingparticularly homicaidal that daya." He jerked hs head towards teh back stairs and gestured toRosie to take overthe bar. Better a human tend it, anyway, even if the goats were pretty good at dea,nding payment. The four of them went up.
At room 3 and a half (becuase why the fuck not? Wizards seem to like fractiosn), Aberforth opened the door and gestured the young men inside. "you have a chocice," he siad. "I'm not gaonna fuck any of ye, but if you wnat some pointers, I'd be glad to help you out."
Zabini looked considring, while both Potter an dMalfoy looked a combination of abashed and intrigued. "honestly, I have no idea what we're doing," confessed Potte.r
"i think Blaise and I were issing and you decided to horn in," Malfoy sayd." NOt that I mind, mind. I wouldnt mind kissing you some more,"he added. "Either of you."
"maloy, why don't you lean against the bedpost," Aberforth suggested. "Zabini and potter carry on as you were."
It was even better than it had been downstairs. Zabini crowded Malfoy against the bedpost while Potter stood behind Zabini, mouthing aong the other boy's neck and sliding one hand between the other boys' thighs and one handup Malfoy's bum. THe hrree weere breathing heavily, zabini mewling frm time to time.
Aberfoth palmed himslef through is trausers.
"potter, you should open everyone's trousers. Get those cocks out."
The three boys moaned at the instructions and Averforth saw Potter swithc hands, so his dominant one was between the tother wto. He used his other hand to tug at their waistbands.
Blaise and Draco broke apart, panting. "Potter, get up here," said Malfoy, who grabbed Potter by the hair and kissed him forecefully while Blaise started nipping further down, at Malfoy's neck, shoulder, pecs.
"you can all get closer together if you take off your clothes and get on the bed," Aberforth said helpfully, taking his own dick out.
TH ethree lads tumbled naked into the bed, hands roaming wherever they could reach, fingers reacihgn places they'd never gone before, until Malfoy complained, "hey!"
"Arses don''t like to be entered without lube, boys!" Aberforth interjecte. "THe spell is Lubricus"
"Lubricus," all three of them said, and Aberforth despaired for the sheets.
But from there, they seemed to do better. Potter slid his fingers into Malfoy's hole whiel he ucked off Zabini, the latter fondling Draco's balls as they snogged like it was going out of style. Malfoy gasped and shuddered every so often as Potter thrust his fingers, whcih satisfied Aberforth's requirement that the botton enjoy the penetration. And when Malfoy had come into Zabini's hand and Zabini had come into Potter's mouth, the two of them took turns sucking POtter off.
Potter came with a shot of come and glittering sparks. "I love magic!" he said.
"It wasn't magic that made you do that," both Aberforth adn Malfoy chorused. malfoy looked disgusted to know that his satement was so trite an old man would say it too.
IT didnt' matter anyway. Potter was passed out on the bed. "I guess that's what he needed," Zabini said.
"Oh?" asked Aberforth.
"For his insomnia."
And that was the last prompt. I hope this was sexy enough.
Author:
songquakeI am of legal drinking age in my region: yup
Pairing(s)/Characters/Fandom: HP Fandom: Aberforth, Rosmerta, Potter/Zabini/Malfoy, squint-and-you'll miss her Hermione
Challenge/Prompts used: Stiicking the prompt ehre, hopeing to get most of them in maybe.
Hog's Head
Rating/Warnings: NC-17. Everyone's been drinking so consent is... mildly dubious, though still enthusiastic.
Word count: 1552
Summary: The one where Rosmerta locks eeryone in the Hogs Head.
Author's Notes (if any): Medium daily digetst meets wikipedia meets HP meets the prompts. Also, mods—somehow I can’t turn the straight quotes off while drunk, so I expect that coding will break. Um. Maybe I’ll have the wearwithal to put this in a more helpeufl FUCK I JUST REALIZED AUTOCORRECT IS SOMEHOW ON TOO. FUCK. Okat, I have me oved t o Oppe n Offce, which I think will beeasier to use while drunk, and YES I CAN MAKE STRAIGHT QUPES
Onwarad!
The Godgs' Head was teeming with peole, which did not make Abervorth very happy at all. Indeed, while th e supposed that as a pubman )is that a word? it is now? the proprietor of a pbualic house--thank God that's who that typo worked) AS A PBUM AN he ought to be gratful that Madam Rosmera's costomers were coming ot him sinceshe dceided post-war renvoations were in order. He ought to be grateufl fur their custom. But Aberforth had never been good at being frateful for the things others though eh should be grateful for. Like all his bother's escapades. Fuck that shite.
JPeopel thought tha t folks who ran businesses like his should be extraverts, but he wasn't. It just happened that he liked a lot of drinks and this was a way that he culd write them off as a business expense (I AM NOT READING BRITISH TAX CODES TONIGHT SO I AM GOING TO SSUME THAT BUSINESS EXPENSES CAN BE WRITTEN OFF THERE TOO). In any event. nobody semeed ot mind his curmudgeonly attitide too much
There were a bunch of former Gryffindors in his bar rignt now. THis is somethign they started doing during and right after teh wrar. The fuck. THe thing aobut ti was, Aberforth never gave a shir about anythign the grovernemtn or any other aughority figure ruled was "for the greater voog." THat included werving youngsres. it didn't furt that that was the sort of thing that really got under Albus's skin: he wanted to think his chidlren were all vinnocent and virtuous and stuff, but beforth new that notne of the Hogwards students were anu kore virtuaious or innocent than Albus himself had ever been. But that didnt mean that the vast amounts of young wexent coming in to his pub made Aberforth happey either.
Which was not very.
"I’ve had hundreds of kids thundering through my pub, Potter!" he had said right before the final battel. He wasn't happy about the kids beign there, but only becuase he wasn't fond of his pub being os craowded.
Rosmerta hwerslef was in the pub tonight. She was one who seemed to like all the people. SHe was alos one to be xtra-judgmental, whether if was about his relationship with his goats (listen, they were fine companions, and just becuase he hung out with them didnt mean he atually fucked them most of the time, thank you very much) or with some of the deperate young ment who kame into his br confused aobut heir sexuality and looking for a sense of how to get things going with other young people. Averforth didnt' acutally mind tutoring them somuch. Learning to please other men and women was something he had picked up over his rather lengthy lifetime. And in fact this was something he and Rosmerta had in common.
(TIME FOR ANOHTER DRINK)
"Right," Rosmerta anounced. "Everyone in htis place except for the two of us is horney and hopeless. Tiem to lock e'm all in and give some lesssongs." She lifted her wand and locked all the entrances in the publ, even selian the Ariana portraint and thewindows. "ABIERTE!" she said. (I don't know if thats actually a spell or if I'm just tiking spanish is spells now.) OH! The spell is Colloportus, isn't it. So Rosmerta used that, with an Abierte on the side becuase spells are stronger when cast in wto languages. *nods* (wathc my spansih be absolute shit when drunk, too.)
SO rosmerta locked all of the people in to provide some forced proximity (check mark). Not that anyone noticed, at leasr not at afirst. Like the folks who were drinking all day and trying to write, they weren't exactly noticing their surroundings so mch
Except damn Hermione Grnger who was like, "hey, you can't do that? what do you think this is, an Eveangelical Youth Group sleepover?"
None of the wizards got it. Nto that they were paying attneton. But for the sake of eeryone's ears and sanity, Rosmerta let her out, screamjng about consnt all the way.
"Listen up, young wixen!" Aberforth yelled. "we are having a consent-based lock-in! Check int with each other before you shag and if you don't knwo what you're doing for the love of Goats, come get soem advice fomr me and Rosie!" All the whtie brits blushed red. And the various black nad brown folks did as well, it was just less visibel.
"well said, Aberforth," said Rosmerta. Aberforth grunted in response.
They l=sruveyed the room. Several pairs of students were snogging and dry-humbping. Aberforth wrinkeld his nose: they had no finesse. Alas. There was one pair that looked like they were haivng a marathon snog, soon joined by anohter. Which was something, sine hte third had to grab one of them in order to force him to come up for air.
Voyeuris was important for any sexual tutor. Aberforth felth is trousers tighten but ignored it. He had been monitoing that trio all night; he didn't think they had one too any drinks. He didn't htink they had one too many partners, either. But they were sturggling a bit with execution.
Aveerthouth approached. "lads, you do realize that the mouth isntthe only place you can kiss, yeah?"
THe ghree borke apart, but, always bold, Averforth saw Harry Potter grab the thighs of each of his companions and slide his hadns toward their crotches. It was possible he wasn't hopeless after all. The two othe r young men, Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy, gasped and widened hteir eyes before closing them in pleasure.
"Do you want to have a room or shall you conusmmate this where eeryone can see?" Aberforth said, not really caring what the answer was, but secretly relieved when young malfoy said, "A room, please, if there aren't too many fleas."
Aberforth snorted. "Any fleas can be easily banished, and besides, I've put a spell up against all sorts of insects since that time I found Rita Skeeter in here. Should have squashed her when that happened, but wasn't feelingparticularly homicaidal that daya." He jerked hs head towards teh back stairs and gestured toRosie to take overthe bar. Better a human tend it, anyway, even if the goats were pretty good at dea,nding payment. The four of them went up.
At room 3 and a half (becuase why the fuck not? Wizards seem to like fractiosn), Aberforth opened the door and gestured the young men inside. "you have a chocice," he siad. "I'm not gaonna fuck any of ye, but if you wnat some pointers, I'd be glad to help you out."
Zabini looked considring, while both Potter an dMalfoy looked a combination of abashed and intrigued. "honestly, I have no idea what we're doing," confessed Potte.r
"i think Blaise and I were issing and you decided to horn in," Malfoy sayd." NOt that I mind, mind. I wouldnt mind kissing you some more,"he added. "Either of you."
"maloy, why don't you lean against the bedpost," Aberforth suggested. "Zabini and potter carry on as you were."
It was even better than it had been downstairs. Zabini crowded Malfoy against the bedpost while Potter stood behind Zabini, mouthing aong the other boy's neck and sliding one hand between the other boys' thighs and one handup Malfoy's bum. THe hrree weere breathing heavily, zabini mewling frm time to time.
Aberfoth palmed himslef through is trausers.
"potter, you should open everyone's trousers. Get those cocks out."
The three boys moaned at the instructions and Averforth saw Potter swithc hands, so his dominant one was between the tother wto. He used his other hand to tug at their waistbands.
Blaise and Draco broke apart, panting. "Potter, get up here," said Malfoy, who grabbed Potter by the hair and kissed him forecefully while Blaise started nipping further down, at Malfoy's neck, shoulder, pecs.
"you can all get closer together if you take off your clothes and get on the bed," Aberforth said helpfully, taking his own dick out.
TH ethree lads tumbled naked into the bed, hands roaming wherever they could reach, fingers reacihgn places they'd never gone before, until Malfoy complained, "hey!"
"Arses don''t like to be entered without lube, boys!" Aberforth interjecte. "THe spell is Lubricus"
"Lubricus," all three of them said, and Aberforth despaired for the sheets.
But from there, they seemed to do better. Potter slid his fingers into Malfoy's hole whiel he ucked off Zabini, the latter fondling Draco's balls as they snogged like it was going out of style. Malfoy gasped and shuddered every so often as Potter thrust his fingers, whcih satisfied Aberforth's requirement that the botton enjoy the penetration. And when Malfoy had come into Zabini's hand and Zabini had come into Potter's mouth, the two of them took turns sucking POtter off.
Potter came with a shot of come and glittering sparks. "I love magic!" he said.
"It wasn't magic that made you do that," both Aberforth adn Malfoy chorused. malfoy looked disgusted to know that his satement was so trite an old man would say it too.
IT didnt' matter anyway. Potter was passed out on the bed. "I guess that's what he needed," Zabini said.
"Oh?" asked Aberforth.
"For his insomnia."
And that was the last prompt. I hope this was sexy enough.
Lubricus!!!
I AM NOT READING BRITISH TAX CODES TONIGHT
::snerk:: I'm now going with the head-canon that wizards don't even file taxes, but as a prank someone convinced him they had to and now decades later he still submits his paperwork every year and no one at the Ministry of Magic has ever bothered to tell him to stop and once a year they all gather round and have an entertaining read to see what he thinks is tax-deductible this time and then to pay for their entertainment they take up a collection and send him an owl with his "refund" which sometimes involves loose change but given wizarding relationships with finance just as often consists of a button and a couple of sweets.
"THe spell is Lubricus"
Fantastic!
Re: Lubricus!!!
Re: Lubricus!!!
Thank you for reading and for your contribution here!
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Thanks for reading!
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And omg Harry’s “I love magic”?!?! Shoot that shit down, Draco amd Aberforth!
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So glad you enjoyed!
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Nice job MA.
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I don't know why, but I just died at this line LOLOL. Very excellent drunken smut and I'm glad Harry finally figured out a cure for what ailed him ;)
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Thanks!
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I nearly died of the giggles right then! I also loved the all caps declaration that you wouldn't be looking at British tax codes, Aberforth being so very helpful (and despairing for the sheets!), and just the very fun, drunken romp this was! Fantastic!!!
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Thanks so much!
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with an Abierte on the side becuase spells are stronger when cast in wto languages. Sounds legit. 😍
what do you think this is, an Eveangelical Youth Group sleepover?" WHO HURT YOU, HERMIONE?!?
At room 3 and a half (becuase why the fuck not? Wizards seem to like fractiosn) That's it! I'm officially DEAD!😍😍😍
SO GREAT!!
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Like all his bother's escapades. Fuck that shite.
Truth!
And bless lil Hdog before she gets booted for being sensible! LOL
Except damn Hermione Grnger who was like, "hey, you can't do that? what do you think this is, an Eveangelical Youth Group sleepover?"
That line killed me!
I loved goats before I read this and I love them even more now.
Better a human tend it, anyway, even if the goats were pretty good at dea,nding payment.
At room 3 and a half (becuase why the fuck not? Wizards seem to like fractiosn)
"Arses don''t like to be entered without lube, boys!" Aberforth interjecte. "THe spell is Lubricus"
"Lubricus," all three of them said, and Aberforth despaired for the sheets.
This was so fun. I laughed my arse off!
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I also want to note for posterity that I was pretty damn horrified when I went to seminary (a UCC school, so ostensibly progressive) and learned that SO MANY of my younger classmates thought of "lock-ins" as a normal, wholesome thing. I was like, WHAT. A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS LOCKED IN A CHURCH WITH A COUPLE OF ADULTS? WHAT COULD GO WRONG HERE???
("Vacation Bible School" also was a concept that made me gag. I'm not cut out for youth group leadership, according to most Christians. Thank G-D I'm Quaker.)
Thanks! I'm so glad I made you laugh!
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I had to LOL at for the greater voog. I just liked the way it sounded -- and somehow it made me think it would be a good prompt phrase for a sci-fi fic.
Self-referential for the win: Not that anyone noticed, at leasr not at afirst. Like the folks who were drinking all day and trying to write, they weren't exactly noticing their surroundings so mch.
So much LOLZ: "Arses don''t like to be entered without lube, boys!" Aberforth interjecte. "THe spell is Lubricus." "Lubricus," all three of them said, and Aberforth despaired for the sheets.
Also made me grin that right in the fic itself you said And that was the last prompt.
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Every FWF needs a little bit of meta.
Also truth: When I looked at the prompt list before voting, I was like< "No, I DIDN'T USE ALL THE PROMPTS, EEEEEEK!" because I promise I could not remember how I squeezed "marathon" in. But I did! Whew! It was just so SEAMLESS... Like it could have been in there even if it wasn't a prompt!
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"what do you think this is, an Eveangelical Youth Group sleepover?" *dead*
I love that Abe stayed and gave them tips. ROFL That was awesome.
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See my comment to
Tips! I mean, humans like all primates need to learn sex! Much better to have a coach, especially if none of your threesome understands about lube (seems unlikely, but FWF).
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Haha, I feel you! I could totally end up doing something similar! Good you withstood the temptation. :D
Better a human tend it, anyway, even if the goats were pretty good at dea,nding payment.
I could imagine Aberforth's goats would be trained how to deal with customers trying to run from the bill, yes.
What an amazing, drunken blend of funny and hot!